Uchiha Baby Chronicles
by Zadien
Summary: Part Four. Well fine, if she wanted to run away that was just fine. The hell he was going to chase after her. It was her fault. She always put herself in danger. Always.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto.

**Warning:** _**contains spoilers for the latest manga chapter 386**_, so if you haven't read that and don't want to know what happened, don't read this. Don't say I didn't warn you. Also this contains an OOC Sakura, mentions of the Inner Sakura and mild hints of Sasuke's sex life.

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**Baby Incubator**

**By**: Zadien

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Sakura's POV 

I've been giving it a lot of thought and I do mean a _lot_ of thought. It's a big decision; a major life altering decision that will in fact, negate everything I've ever wanted from my life. However, after all that thinking, which I generally did while cleaning up Naruto's apartment –while he wasn't there I might add; because let's face it, a teenage boy isn't going to be taking care of his chores when he's trying to become the greatest Hokage ever and, being a medic-nin myself, I know all about the various types of bacteria that can grow in even the cleanest of homes; I was just doing my duty. However, back to what I was saying, after due consideration and carefully weighing up the pros and cons, I've decided that I, Haruno Sakura, do not want to become Mrs Sasuke Uchiha.

There. I've finally said it out loud. Oh Kami. I think I need to sit down... Oh, I am sitting down. Then, I need a drink instead. Bring me a sake, my good man. Pfft, what do you mean under-aged? I'm a ninja, thank you very much, I became legal as soon as I killed my first opponent –granted, that wasn't really that long ago but still, I'm legal. If I can go out and kill people and get killed, I can take a glass of sake. If you don't give it to me, I'll find Tsunade-shishou's and... yeah, I'm not suicidal, yet.

Strange though, while I feel strong in my decision, I feel empty and numb. Almost as if I'm not sure what else I should do. Ever since I was a child, all I ever wanted was to be Mrs Sasuke Uchiha, even though at the age of six I didn't quite realize that at the time. But, that was the idea. That was the dream. Sasuke wanted to kill Itachi, Naruto wanted to become Hokage, Neji wanted to eradicate the Main Branch's prejudices, Lee wanted to prove that with only Taijutsu, he could become a great ninja and Ten-Ten wanted to become a great kunoichi like Tsunade-shishou. I wanted to be Sasuke's wife... and boy does that sound lame when put up against their ideals but it was mine and I was happy with it.

Now, I've grown up, matured, moved on. I'm the Hokage's number one apprentice; I can remove poisons and deliver children and killing blows with my pinkie! Ok, maybe not just my pinkie but I'm really strong. I've proven that I can become tough and powerful and can hold my own against opponents twice my size. I am in charge of my own destiny and as such, I've decided I do not want to be Sasuke Uchiha's wife! No that's not quite true, I actually don't want to be any Uchiha's wife –though since, you know, Itachi's dead and everything, that's really not an issue, so it does come down to the fact that I don't want to be Sasuke's wife.

Why? Why? Well, because I know what he's like. As a child, I may have been won over by his gorgeous good looks and, granted I still am, but that's not the point. Sasuke may be handsome and talented and incredibly smart but he's broken. He's so obsessed with his revenge and his missions, if I married him I'll become his baby incubator –because, che, that's what I'm going to be. I'll be Mrs Sasuke Uchiha, baby incubator. I won't be Sakura, the great apprentice of the fifth Hokage, best female friend of the sixth Hokage and former member of Team Seven, the one who killed Sasori of the red sand, - with the help of Chiyo-sama- the Akatsuki member that attacked Kankuro. No, everyone will forget all that as soon as I take his name and become his baby maker.

**Cha! We should make him take our name!**

Pipe down, inner me! Though you raise a good point. However, the fact is, I don't want that. I don't want to be a social butterfly, who he marries so she'll look good on his arm or who'll be meek and obedient and conform to all the rules and restrictions. I just don't want to be his tool to rebuild a clan. I'm not cut out to be a clan matriarch... –note to self, do not marry Neji Hyuuga either, though that's not necessarily a choice since he and Ten-Ten make a nice pair –I might actually want to warn Ten-Ten about being a clan leader's wife... come to think of it, does Ino still like Sasuke? If so, I wonder if she's thought about the problems about being Sasuke's wife. She might be ok about being married to a cold fish, she could be a lady of leisure but to be sure, I'll check on her too.

Another reason I don't want to be Mrs Sasuke Uchiha –this is actually the main reason- is because I do _not_ want to spend my life worrying about my sons. I don't want to worry about sending them to school in case they decide to befriend the strongest person in class in order to kill them later. I don't want to think that my sons –and Sasuke will probably insist on sons- might be upstairs strangling their best friend to get the Mangekyou Sharingan! And I certainly don't want to worry about my eldest son trying to kill his brother to improve his eyesight! If I become Sasuke Uchiha's baby incubator, I'll become a nervous wreck. Every time my children cry or fight, I'll be freaking out thinking that they're trying to kill each other. Considering just how messed up the Uchiha clan was; that's not an unfound statement either.

I'm just not cut out to be his wife. My personality wouldn't work either. And I'd expect love. I might have been able to say I wouldn't want it when I was younger, but I know better now. I care and I expect to be cared about too. It's only natural after all. Sasuke can't manage emotions like that and I can't teach him how to love. I'd like to but being realistic, looking at this from a medic's point of view, it would be close to impossible to teach him something like love and besides, he wouldn't want it.

Heck, I'm not even sure he'd sleep with his wife. You know, I can just see married life with Sasuke. He'd wake up in the morning, glance at his wife and frown at how close she came to his side of the bed during the night, giving a brief thanks for the guard that's erected between the two beds because yes, the Uchiha's don't have a double bed but twin single beds pushed together to look like one. Sasuke will then go to work, without thinking to tell his wife, who –having woke up- will sigh at the sight of him changing and then leaving her alone, and she will promptly reach into her bedside cabinet for her vibrator to relieve the sexual urge. Sasuke of course, will never satisfy her because he won't believe in sex and instead, will insist on impregnating his wife through artificial insemination. Then he will come home at night, -if he couldn't get a mission- and will get a shower and go to sleep and start the day all over again. Can you see how terrible that would be? I'd suffocate in that kind of environment.

Haha, you know what would be funny though. If Naruto did a sexy-no-jutsu and married Sasuke –not because he's gay but because he'd find it ridiculously humorous and let's remember, Sasuke's asexual and artificially inseminates his wife- and then when he has the baby, Naruto will undo the jutsu and then he can brag to Sasuke about how his royal Uchiha blood is tainted. Hehe, yeah that would be funny but highly improbable given the fact that the great and glorious Uchiha would sense the chakra, if he didn't recognize the jutsu. Though, he can say that to Neji because Naruto and Hinata are a definite will-be couple. Though Neji likes Naruto and he wasn't on our team... maybe that's the point. Maybe Sasuke would like Naruto in small doses... then again, probably not. The two of them just like to fight. It's typical brotherly behaviour, another point against becoming Mrs. Uchiha. They take sibling rivalry to a whole new level. Even Gaara never tried to kill his siblings –that I know of- and he was as psychotic as they came.

Another sake please... I'm officially depressed and the world's still spinning round. If I don't marry Sasuke, no wait, I won't. I'm not marrying him. Deep breath. Ok, right, since I'm _not_ marrying Sasuke, I now need to figure out who he can marry so that he can find a suitable baby incubator to AI. Preferably someone who will take his crap without much of a problem, like... Hinata would be the perfect wife, but she's perfect for Naruto and he'll love her and she needs that. So maybe, Hanabi? I don't really know too much about this girl but she's a Hyuuga, of good blood, well mannered, well skilled and has a good education, both in academics and etiquette.

Who else... Oh Ami, that would be nice. Ami would make a nice baby incubator, but she'd drive Sasuke mad. However, I don't like her and Sasuke would rarely be home, he could always just stick her in one wing –or one end- of the Uchiha Compound and live in another. She'd like the pampered life though, the money, the prestige. It would suit her. And I'd get to spend more time with him than she would. He'd probably realize just how un-annoying I am compared to her.

**Yes! Another bonus! **

Did that girl Kin ever die? She always fancied herself a contender for Sasuke's heart –however small it may be- so we could always marry him off to her. But her loyalties might be in question and she'd hardly be a good mother to the murdering brats. She'd probably hand them a kunai each to kill each other.

Karin... no. No way. She wouldn't understand the deal at all. She'd take it to mean that I'm giving up Sasuke because I wouldn't be able to compete with her. Ha! I could kick her ass into the middle of next year. Pfft. And what's with that? Sasuke gets a new team to help him track down his brother and he basically makes up Team Seven all over again. He has the annoying one with sharp teeth, the sober quiet one with a demonic side and the fanatical chakra gifted one... That's Team Seven, in the basest sense. You have Naruto, who can be annoying –I love him, but he really can be annoying- and when he turns Kyuubi-ish, he grows sharp teeth; then there's Kakashi who's usually pretty sober but he has that perverted side to him which could be seen as demonic by some and hello, fanatic chakra gifted one? That's so me, she even had pinkish hair... granted it was darker and she wore glasses, but that was me.

Hey, Sai's here! How's Sai? Sai looks a little blurry but it's a good look for him, makes him look like he's got an expression. Lol. No Sai, I'm not laughing at you. Much.

Maybe I should tell Sai about my reasons for not wanting to be Mrs Sasuke Uchiha, baby incubator. No, he probably wouldn't care. He wouldn't get it anyway. I'd end up trying to explain all the emotions behind the reasons and he just wouldn't understand. Besides, how do I explain that while I love Sasuke, I don't want to marry him? It makes sense to me but I doubt it would make sense to others, particularly since Sasuke doesn't even seem to have an interest in me, never mind having asked me to marry him. I'm not expecting him to either, though maybe I should tell someone that I don't want to marry him, so that if he does ask someone, I won't be given sympathetic pats on the head and fake understanding looks when I tell them that 'no, I'm not upset because I never wanted to marry him in the first place'.

Sai, stop staring at me like that. Yeesh! I'm not drunk either- give me my sake!

Stupid twerp.

**Cha! Try to take my drink from me? I'll make mincemeat out of you!**

Yeah, thanks inner me. I'm sure he's real scared. Sigh. Another reason I couldn't possibly be Mrs Sasuke Uchiha, baby incubator, is because I have that inner persona. It's not normal, though it is extremely helpful. My battle with Ino showed that for starters. Then there's the pink hair. I don't think any Uchiha child would be taken very seriously with pink hair and the bullying would only increase his hatred and that hatred would turn to vengeance and then to murderous intent.

Maybe I should castrate Sasuke!

No, he'd kill me for sure. He wants to resurrect his clan... Oh my god. We always thought that he meant to create a clan of his own but what if he really wants to resurrect them from the dead... didn't Oro-snake-paedophile have a jutsu to do something like that? Oh I so think he did. I should really tell Tsunade Shishou to keep an eye on the graves from now on. Who knows what voodoo Sasu-chan might have up his sleeve. Imagine a whole clan of zombies, that's just creepy!

I wonder if Sasuke understood what he was saying when he was twelve years old, talking about resurrecting his clan? Normal boys think about sex, sure but Sasuke was anything but normal. Maybe he will go for that AI thing after all, I could be his wife's midwife... and then again, maybe not. At least if I don't become his wife, I can still be on his team –if Tsunade-shishou allows him back on our team. I can't honestly see him on any of the other teams. It would just be too weird.

"HEY SAKURA!"

Naruto! Yay... now I know I'm a tiny bit tipsy. Oops, nearly fell off my stool. That would be totally embarrassing and Sai would just use it to make fun of me forever. I wonder where his sketch book is... He usually keeps it everywhere he goes. No, Sai, I'm not looking at your ass but your ass pockets. The ones on your trousers.

Hey I wonder if Sasuke's ever gotten... you know, aroused. Not that it's something I ever think of and I certainly never go looking at that area of his anatomy, at least not the front, but thinking of those baggy clothes he insists on wearing, it's something to wonder about. Even Naruto's more sexually aware than Sasuke. It's kind of pathetic when you think about it. I think I am too... now that really is disturbing. I'm not sure I like that.

Oof, Naruto's heavy and I'm pretty sure he's trying to squeeze me to death like that evil snake of Sasuke's. Oh, no, not _that_ snake, the other one, the one he summons. Monday? Mandy? Miranda? Manda? Oh who cares, it's something like that. Big, evil, possibly venomous. You'll know it you see it.

"...she's...toxicated..."

I'm not. Hey, I think I should tell Naruto. He'll be pleased to know that I'm no longer wanting to be Sasuke Uchiha's wife. He'll understand what a big deal it is too considering that I always wanted to have a wedding but the sacrifice will be worth it in the end. It will. And another ten years of telling myself that will probably convince me. Maybe.

"Naruto, I don't want to marry Sasuke."

"Did he ask you?! Hey, you never told me!"

"He hasn't asked me. I've just decided for myself."

"Uh, well, then..." Oh don't look at Sai, what's Sai supposed to do? "That's great Sakura-chan. If that's what you want, I mean."

Of course, it's what I want. I don't want to be artificially inseminated, I want to experience sex and have an orgasm and I don't want to have to rely on an inanimate object.

What a waste of sake. Sai should really learn to keep his mouth closed when drinking. That poor barman is soaked! Naruto's turning blue too. I'm not sure why though.

"Sakura, maybe you should sober up."

"Tell Sai that, he can't hold his liqueur in his mouth!"

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto whines, pulling my glass of sake from me but not from Sai, I might add. I grumble and try to pull it back.

"Hands off!"

"You've had enough." Sai sounds funny; maybe the choking scraped his vocal chords. I could fix that... but I'm not going to. Sai can just deal with the pain and the croaking.

"You're one to talk!" Oops, now look what Naruto made me do. Someone should probably clean up that glass.

"Ano-sa, ano-sa, Sakura-chan, do you have a sober up jutsu?"

What do I look like? Well, maybe I could expel the liqueur from my system like I do with poison... but that would be a waste of good sake. Why would I do that? I'm facing a life altering decision.

"What time is it?"

"Four." Sai grunted.

I didn't think Sai could manage vocal inflictions but he was doing quite well at the moment, managing to convey annoyance and disdain. Haha, he's doing a great Sasuke impression.

Oh well, I start my shift at the hospital in half an hour, so it would probably be a good idea to sober up. It really doesn't take long to scoop the intoxicants out of my system. I'm getting a whole lot better at this medic business.

"You feeling better Sakura-chan?"

"Mm-hmm, thanks Naruto." Maybe I should try helping Sai too, after all, it's not his fault he is the way he is and he's actually ok, for someone who doesn't have any emotions. And I would help Sai, if Sai were there... Oh kami-sama no... "Sasuke?"

**Dammit!! You blathered everything to him! He knows you don't want to marry him! He'll hate us! He'll be crushed!**

Inner me needs help. She's so far in denial she's going to drown. It's a good thing I'm in charge for the majority of the time. She'd just end up beating things up and cursing. That's no way to handle any situation... though it sounds awfully good right now.

"Heheh, Sasuke... I thought you were Sai." Oh god, he's really going to hate me.

"You're annoying."

"So are you." Oh, maybe I'm not in as much control as I thought. "Ah, sorry Sasuke-kun..." Why am I apologizing?

**Why aren't you apologizing? Get down on bended knee and... **

"Shssh!" It's very disturbing when your two teammates –one who has a curse mark and the other a demon inside him- look at you as if _you're_ the weird one. "Sorry guys, I should go. Now. Bye." I'm never going to live this down. Maybe I should ask Tsunade-shishou for extra shifts at the hospital, a diplomatic trip to Sunagakure, return date never!

The worst part is that when I'm inebriated, I don't fully know how much control of my mouth I have, so for all I know, I could have told Sasuke everything while thinking he was Sai... and that I was having an outer monologue, not an inner one. Oh kami!

Waving fake-cheerfully at the people I knew, I crossed the street hurriedly, ignoring the calls of Naruto from behind me. He'd catch up with me. He always does. Unless... ah Hinata! Life saver. She blushes as I grab her hands, squeeze them and then send her hurtling in Naruto's direction. Naturally, like a good guy should, he catches her and is instantly distracted for a few precious moments but it's enough for me to charka boost my speed towards the hospital.

Well at least Sasuke knows that I have no intention of ever being Mrs Sasuke Uchiha, baby incubator but maybe, I should try to find him someone instead. For all I know, he could have been thinking of me as his fallback for whenever he needed one. And now I've taken myself out of the running he's going to be under pressure and well, Sasuke would be totally bad at looking for a wife. He certainly wouldn't have the time. What if, now he doesn't have a ready-made baby incubator waiting at his beck and call, he decides not to bother about having any Uchiha children at all?

Oh no. I might have stopped the rebirth of one of Konoha's greatest clans...(and most psychotic but let's not dwell on that) Tsunade-Shishou will kill me if she finds out. That's it, I must find Sasuke the perfect submissive baby incubator. Now all I have to do is actually come up with a list of potentials. This could take some planning. Actually, it'll take a lot of planning. After all, I love Sasuke, I want him to have the very best incubator an asexual man could ask for. Preferably a lesbian, but whatever. First though, I've got to work.

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A.N. Well tell me what you think. This is my first ever Naruto fanfiction and I probably won't write another, Naruto's hard to write but this was something I had to get out of my system. I may do just a sequel to this because I'm curious to know how Sasuke will react to Sakura's search to find him a wife but we'll see if that ever gets written. So, anyway, please review. I'd really like to know people's opinions on this. 

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto. 

**A.N. **So this is the unofficial sequel to the Baby Incubator and again contains slight spoilers for the recent manga chapters but nothing worrying but if you're worried and don't want to know, you might want to skip this. Oh and thank you all for the reviews I got for the first piece of this. It really inspired me to write this sequel. This is in Sasuke's third person point of view and won't continue on immediately from baby incubator. Some days have passed since Sakura's little outburst.

**Warnings**: Spoilers, language and some sexual themes involved in a strangely weird conversation. Oh and a drunk Sasuke and naked... possibly many naked Naruto's.

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Sperm Donor 

By:** Zadien**

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He wasn't sure how to deal with Sakura and her declaration. Honestly, he didn't think she thought about him anymore, she made very sure to keep out of his way and for that, he was thankful because he didn't appreciate her lamenting or her wailing about her love for him. He didn't care about it and he didn't need her affection, avengers worked better without emotional ties, and his were cut a long time ago. That wasn't to say he didn't respect her; he did in a way. After all, she had achieved a lot in the time that he left but sometimes – mostly, when Naruto boasted about how _awesome_ she'd become- he wondered if she would have become as 'awesome' if he hadn't left. In the end, all her decisions had always come down to him. He'd hated that, hated how she based her life around him. She didn't go out with other boys in case he got upset, she didn't make plans in case he was struck on the head and decided he wanted to go out with her sometime. That would never happen but it didn't stop her throwing away her life in the hopes that he'd change. It was pathetic.

However, since he had returned from killing his brother and that other treacherous bastard, his and Sakura's relationship had taken a new twist. She wasn't like that anymore. She was different. She was dedicated to her job as a medic. It was impressive, especially coming from a girl who dedicated her life to following him; it was nice to see her turning her devotion to something important. And by all accounts she was good at her job, she didn't just do it, she excelled at it.

Another thing he had noticed was that when she went on missions, she didn't expect him or Naruto to do all the work or for Kakashi to lift her out of harm's way. There were many times when he'd watched her crack the ground open with her fist, or send a shinobi flying just by grazing his jaw. It was almost daunting, though sometimes he felt that she purposely put herself in harms way to prove herself to them, ignoring the fact that she was a really important medic and shouldn't be putting herself at risk. If she was taken out of commission, who was supposed to heal the others on the team? It was almost careless but on some level he could understand her feelings.

She was trying to prove herself. Despite that, he could admit that she had become an impressive ninja and he could admire that about her. She was now a worthy teammate, someone he'd be proud to fight beside in a war or a mission, so on the odd occasion when the Hokage assigned her to his team during missions, he was pleased to have her there. No one could heal on the battlefield the way she could and she had a good logical mind that came up with solutions in a heartbeat.

So in that way their relationship had changed a lot, though apart from missions, they barely saw each other for long since she was working god knows how many hours in the hospital and he was constantly training or plotting the restitution of the Konoha Military Police Force.

That was something that should be done, though naturally it would take decades before it vaguely resembled the power it once was, but it needed to start sometime, so he was willing to discuss things with the Hokage and Kakashi to see which ninja's could do the best job. After all, having a police force to deal with the inner problems within the village would free up some time for the Anbu Black Ops to concentrate on the missions outside the towns of the Fire Nation. Sometimes he wondered if he could enlist Sakura's help, medics with experience in the field and a good mind would be integral to a good police force. It was something to think about and something he'd discuss with Kakashi and Naruto later.

However, because they barely spent any time together, he had been quietly pleased to see his female teammate in the bar. Not that that meant anything, it just meant that he wouldn't have to sit on his own and be plagued by fangirls. Most of them seemed to leave him alone if Sakura was with him, which made him wonder just how scary she could be. She'd been surprisingly drunk when he reached her, slumped over the bar, frowning into her drink with a glazed look. Obviously, she was in deep thought though he hadn't been inclined to ask her if anything was wrong, leave that to Naruto, he would be coming along any minute anyway. It wasn't as if Sasuke cared at any rate, he had his problems, she had hers; that was life.

So, it had surprised him when she had looked up, her morose expression disappearing into one of sloppy cheerfulness (she was definitely more than half way drunk, her eyes were bright and her mouth was slack and soft and... Drunk, she was just drunk) and he held his breath waiting for the inevitable 'Sasuke-kun' but instead what he received was "Hey, Sai, how's it going?"

Sai. She thought he was Sai. She thought he was that dick obsessed, emotionless retard? He didn't know if he had ever been as insulted in his life. He wasn't even willing to blame it on the fact that she was drunk and was probably seeing double but double he could have dealt with, the fact that she was seeing someone completely different was a bit worrying. Stupid bitch.

Then she had giggled and when he opened his mouth, driven to ask her what her problem was, she held up a hand and shook her head, assuring him that she wasn't laughing at him except that she most definitely was. She was laughing at him because he had been upset that she had called him Sai. Now she was going to tease him mercilessly about it, he'd never live it down and Naruto would hear about it, and he'd have to leave Konoha all over again.

Only before he could get up, she had leaned forward to clutch his arm and began to ask if he, Sai, would like to hear her reasons for not wanting to marry Sasuke Uchiha... him. He was Sasuke and she thought he was Sai and she wanted to tell Sai why she didn't want to marry Sasuke. It was beyond messed up. Sakura was strange but this was just insane, however his curiosity had been piqued and before he knew it, she was spilling out all the reasons why she didn't want to marry him while punctuating the story with why he, Sai, wouldn't want to hear about it. To be honest, half way through, Sasuke wished he could get drunk.

He tried to stop her, he really did. He tried to take the drink from her because it was obviously the culprit, but her eyes had flashed viciously and she had snarled- snarled at him complete with sharp incisors that looked as though they came from dog boys' mouth, and so he had decided he didn't want to die from rabies, she could drink all she wanted. Naruto was right; Konohmaru was right; Sakura could be downright fearsome. Then she started referring to herself as Mrs Sasuke Uchiha, baby incubator...

It got him thinking, though. Was that really what she thought? That all he wanted from a wife was a walking womb? Was that what he wanted? He honestly couldn't see himself married but he certainly couldn't remain a bachelor like Kakashi for the rest of his days. He couldn't imagine himself walking hand in hand with a fiancée like Naruto and he couldn't see himself as a dad. If he did become a dad, would he resemble his own father, picking one child as the favourite and then ignoring the other child? If so, it was only right that the other child had a mother to care about him, or her, but he didn't want to be like that. He didn't want to be a father in name only; he didn't want his own child to grow up desperate for attention because that would only turn to resentment.

If his father were still alive, how would their relationship be? They might respect each other but there would be no expressions of love, would there? Then again, what was love? Hn, he loved his mother. There was no denying that. He had adored her; she was the centre of his world and the fact that Itachi had cut her down as if she were nothing to him tore Sasuke apart. Itachi had killed their beautiful mother, so caring and warm hearted with that soft smile and those warm eyes; how could he have cut himself off from that? Itachi had to have gone insane before the massacre, but had being forced to be so good drove him to destroy their family? Would he do that to his children?

He didn't know, and he couldn't say. All he knew was that he'd promised his parents, his father especially, that he would rebuild the clan and he couldn't turn away from his vows. He wasn't that sort of person; he had some honour though many may doubt it. He had killed his brother and he would rebuild his clan from the ground up and someday the name of the Uchiha would be legendary among the people of Konoha once more, they would be more plentiful than the Hyuuga's and more respected. That was his pledge but to accomplish that, he would need a willing bride, someone he could trust and someone he could be comfortable leaving his children with while he went on missions.

Before he could even think more on the topic, Naruto had shown up, late as usual, with his Hokage cap on askew and Sasuke found himself wondering if the elders were high when they appointed Naruto has Tsunade's successor but then again, Konoha seemed to thrive under messed up Hokage's. There was Sarutobi who was constantly threatened by his own grandson, Tsunade who gambled and drank like a sailor and Naruto the kyuubi vessel and giant idiot.

It was as he was thinking that, that he noticed Sakura's gaze lingering on his... Well she wasn't looking at his chair; let's put it that way. And, instead of flushing or babbling in that mortified manner, she had simply grinned and told him she wasn't looking at his ass but his ass pockets? And they said she was the smart member of their team; things had just gotten more awkward and confusing from that point onwards. He had tried to explain to Naruto that their teammate was intoxicated but she had denied it and then decided to blurt out to Naruto (NARUTO for pity's sake) that she didn't want to marry Sasuke and then Naruto began to demand why he, Sasuke, hadn't told him, Naruto, that he had asked Sakura to marry him. Oh, maybe because he hadn't asked Sakura to marry him?! Would that be a good reason, heck he hadn't even been thinking about marriage. He'd only just gotten out of probation a year ago and he was working to become an Anbu captain and... He just wasn't ready for that level of commitment and... Well he should have been considering that, as a ninja, his days were numbered.

Then Sakura, after explaining to Naruto that Sasuke hadn't asked her (remember, she still thought that he, Sasuke, was Sai and Naruto didn't know that), she continued by saying that she didn't want to be _artificially inseminated? _and that she wanted to have sex and not experience an orgasm with an inanimate object!! Was it any wonder that he had spat out the drink he had unwisely decided to gulp at that moment? Honestly, he didn't think Sakura thought about that sort of thing but obviously she did and Naruto was stuck hyperventilating, clearly not knowing whether to laugh at his fate or be worried about Sakura's mentality. And artificially inseminated for crying out loud? Why would he want to artificially inseminate her? Did she know something he didn't? Because he was actually a little worried that maybe, he wouldn't be able to have any little Uchiha's and that his father would smite him from the grave for not having procreated already when he was at the height of his fertility.

And, yet again, instead of apologizing, Sakura demanded to know the time. The time! What did the time have to do with anything? It was then that she began to sober herself up; an admirable skill, he had to admit. Though he really wished his metabolism wasn't so high so that he could have gotten drunk and then he wouldn't have all these insecurities about his manhood, and then Sakura turned to face him, which was when she finally realized that he wasn't Sai, he was Sasuke.

Oh yes, he was nicely satisfied from seeing her face go white as a sheet and her eyes go large and dark and pretty... And to fulfil his vengeance, because she definitely deserved it, he capped off the worst evening of his entire week, by telling her she was annoying. But instead of her becoming upset, she merely retorted that he was too -which wasn't really surprising, he knew it himself- but it was surprising in the fact that she'd never stood up for herself against him before, at least she was finally showing a little backbone. It was about damn time. Just as long as she didn't try to hit him.

So really, it was no wonder with all these thoughts whirling around in his head that Sasuke could be found drinking sake in the middle of the clearing where Team 7 had once trained. He didn't know if Tsunade had realized that he'd stolen from her precious stash but if she did and she tried to kill him... well at least it would be quick. And it would take the choice on whether he should continue the Uchiha line or not out of his hands. On the other hand, if he didn't die, she could heal him back to health. He hoped she'd choose the former. It would be much more merciful. He'd need to provoke her first; just stealing her sake wouldn't make her kill him. Hurt him intensely, yes, break a few bones, certainly, but kill... no, he'd need to provoke her.

He took another drink, long and deep, from the bottle and swallowed hard, wincing at the sour taste. Sake just wasn't his drink of choice, the flavour just didn't appeal to him but it got straight to the heart of the matter... or the gut. He stared out, over the rim of the bottle, at the target scored onto the tree on the other side of the clearing. He could still make it out. No good. He took another slug and another.

"Oi! Sakura-chan, I found him!"

... DOBE! Stupid, blond, annoying dobe. Did his teammate have some kind of mental problem? Oh wait, he knew the answer to that. It was surprisingly simple. Yes. However, that didn't explain how he could always find him, especially when Sasuke was doing something stupid. Suddenly something occurred to him, and he peered hard at his body. Maybe Naruto had stuck some kind of homing seal on him... he had been awfully enthusiastic about giving Sasuke back his headband and making sure he wore it. Hmm. Where could it be?

A soft thud sounded in front of him and he looked up through narrow eyes at the idiotic moron in front of him. He was crouched before him, eyes bright and mischievous and the Hokage hat, which was usually attached to his head, was gone. Obviously, this was Naruto trying to be incognito. The dobe hadn't figured out yet that he couldn't not be obvious.

"Hey tem... is that sake?"

"Tsunade-shishou's going to kick your ass."

That was the plan, Sasuke thought, tilting his head back and surveying the only female member of their group. She was striding up to them with that usual confidence she seemed to have gained whilst he was away. Her gaze met his squarely, no hint of blushing, no nervousness, nothing but cool, disinterest. He wondered idly if he hated this version of Sakura as much. She wasn't annoying, but she bugged him none the less. Always so calm and collected, until she lost her temper and it was only then that he could associate her with his old teammate.

"What do you two want?" Damn, he could still form coherent sentences, he so wasn't drunk enough.

"World peace."

"A lifetime supply of Ramen from Ichiraku's."

"Sloshed, aren't you?" Sakura asked, crouching down in front of him and studying his face.

He pulled away from her. She was clever, but he knew her game. She was after his sake in order to spill more of her ridiculous thoughts on his sexuality. Like he couldn't bring a woman to orgasm. He was an Uchiha for kami's sake. They were the best at everything, whether it was fighting or... anything else. He just didn't go around bragging about his conquests like a certain someone he could mention –who was standing right in front of him being as loud as ever.

"Hey, hey, look what Sakura made you!"

Naruto shoved a seemingly harmless piece of paper under his nose and Sasuke took it with his free hand, -making sure to keep the sake out of reach. Curious, he held the sheet out and tried to read it through his blurring vision. Yes! It was finally blurring. Drunk-ville, here comes Sasuke!

...So you have de-de-deci-ded decided to become a dad but do not know how to ch-choose a wife...? What the fuck?!

**Question One: Do you prefer civilians or kunoichi?**

He slowly lifted his gaze to glare at the annoying pink haired woman before him. She could _not_ be serious?! Could she? He was not doing a questionnaire to find a mother for his unborn children! Hell, he hadn't even decided if he wanted any unborn children yet, never mind a woman to bear them. What did this girl think she was doing?

"'M not doing this."

"Look, Sasuke, this is for your own good. How else are you going to find yourself a baby incubator?"

By going to a shop?! He bit his tongue. He was not degrading himself to her level. He was a Uchiha, they did not use sarcastic retorts for lame, stupid, moronic questions. He would rise above it. "Che."

"Oh yeah, that's a nice answer Sasuke. I'm trying to help you here!"

"Go away."

"No. Naruto tell him what the council said."

He didn't care what the council said. They were a bunch of old has been's who just wouldn't accept death gracefully. He hated old people.

"You're annoying."

Whereas before, these words would have sent Sakura spiralling down into depression, in the present, the only things spiralling were her eyes as she rolled them in irritation. He really hated this version of Sakura. If he thought she was persistent before, that was nothing compared to now. Stupid female.

"Hey, teme, the council said you have to revive the Uchiha clan again. They want more of them. Said that if you don't, they're demolishing your clan's home because it's just a... what was the term?"

"Waste of space?" Sakura piped up and Sasuke glared at her. At least he thought it was her. It might just have been a pink flower though. Same difference, pink head, skinny body. Yep it had to be her.

"Well it meant that but they were more diplocratic."

"Diplomatic, Naruto. It's diplomatic."

"That's three syllables more than the dobe's used to." Sasuke snorted, glaring at his easily identifiable best friend. The orange was a big give away. Unless giant flowers with yellow petals and orange stems had suddenly sprung up. Damn this was good sake.

"Che, we're not going to be able to talk to him when he's like this."

"Use that jutsu of yours then."

"Sasuke, we need you to be sober, or relatively so, when we're talking to you."

He snorted and glared at the giant pink flower shrinking in front of him. "S'ok for you to get drunk and make an idiot of yourself."

"Ass!" She growled, and he felt her chakra begin to slip inside him, making his stomach flip uncomfortably. He squirmed and reached for her hand only to miss it by inches, no cemitimetres, millimametres even.

"Shut up dobe."

"How much have you drunk?" Sakura sounded extremely shocked and too close to his ear. He blinked his eyes and glared at her now more visible face.

"More than it took to get you this drunk." He replied with a smirk. Yet again, proving how superior he was in comparison to her and the dobe.

She rolled her eyes. "Are you still upset about that?"

"Sakura, you insulted his... well, you know what."

Sasuke glared. She did not insult his manhood and more importantly, he didn't care what she thought about him. In fact, he was glad that she was over him. He didn't need her fangirling. It was about time she moved on. "What did you mean by artificial insemination?"

The words were out before he could stop them and judging by the expressions on both neither of them were expecting it. Well Sakura looked shocked, Naruto just looked constipated from trying to work out what artificial insemination meant. He wasn't planning on informing the dobe, it was too embarrassing. Why couldn't Sakura revert to her old days of blushing and stuttering, it was definitely easier to deal with.

Sakura blinked. "You want a definition?"

"No, I want to know why you think you'd have to be AI'd if you married me."

"Well how else do you intend to impregnate your wife?" She demanded, hands fisting on the soft swells of her hips. "Sex? I don't think so. That's not your style, eh, Sasuke? Cold fish are generally asexual."

Naruto was officially speechless and while Sasuke would usually take this as a blessing, he honestly didn't like what Sakura was implying. "What is that supposed to mean?"

She sighed and bit her lip. "Ano, Sasuke, I'm not trying to annoy you, -though that seems to be an innate skill of mine, I'm simply stating facts. If you want to have children, AI or IVF treatment is your only viable solution."

A soft snickering sound began to punctuate the silence. With a dark look, Sasuke's eyes slid to the hunched over figure of the shaking dobe. Idiot. Did Naruto even know what Sakura was saying?!

"You think... teme... can't have sex..." The boy chuckled, closing his eyes and indulging in even more sniggers. Sasuke's fingers twitched on his kunai. He could too have sex! He could have a lot of sex.

"It's not that I think he can't have sex, I'm sure he's not a eunuch..." Oh, he did not like the way her eyes slid down to his crotch!

"Sakura!"

Her eyes snapped up and she flushed slightly, jerking her shoulders in response. "Sorry. Naruto can you give us a moment. I don't think Sasuke's comfortable talking about this with you here."

"Hey, but Sakura-chan, you're a girl."

"No shit dobe." And he didn't feel comfortable talking about his sex life with either of them. They were partners but not in _that_ way.

"Yes, Naruto, but I'm also a medic. I'm trained to have these kinds of conversations with patients and they're always strictly confidential."

"I'm not having this-oof!"

"Sit down Sasuke. Look, this is important, ok? I'm not trying to criticise you or say anything about your anatomy but if we're looking at this logically, I just can't see you having sex. To have sex you need an erection and to get one, you need hormones and you don't have hormones."

"Just because I don't molest everything in sight-"

"Maybe he's gay!"

Sasuke couldn't speak. It was almost as though the words were burnt off his tongue. Though that could have been more logically explained away by the amount of sake he had consumed but who the heck out of his team was logical? It was time he just joined their insanity... right after he killed the dobe.

"Oh no you don't!" Sakura snapped quickly following up her words with a swift punch to the back of his head. If it hadn't been for the thorough cushioning of his hair (come on, why else did he wear it like that) he'd probably be unconscious. But then her actions hit him (figuratively, not literally, he felt that already) and he whirled to gape at her. Sakura had hit him. Him! She never hit him.

"You- you- you hit teme, Sakura-chan! Sasuke!" Naruto shouted; pointing a shaky finger at him, a digit Sasuke was contemplating the breaking of.

"I know that Naruto, but I think this is what Sasuke needs. For too long we pamper him and give in to his every wile. Maybe if we beat some common sense into him, he'll not be so damn stubborn."

"I'm leavi-"

"Sit down! Look, I don't want to get physical with you Sasuke but honestly- Naruto stop laughing. I didn't mean it like that. I told you I'm not having his babies."

"Yeah but you could still jump him and not have babies. There are those jutsus' girls use. How do you think Hinata isn't pre-" He broke off and narrowed his eyes at the trees surrounding them.

Sasuke smirked. "Hey Neji-"

"WAH!!"

"Sasuke! Naruto, Neji's not here. He's on a mission, remember? You sent him on it and you were out last night with him and Choji and Shikamaru..." Sakura hit her forehead with her palm, showing once again her tendency to be violent. "Boys are so stupid! Sasuke, you need to impregnate a woman and do it soon or you lose the Uchiha estate, got that?! Honestly, why can't either of you be logical?"

"I'm going." Sasuke growled again, pushing to his feet and lurching forward as the world spun dizzily. Head rush. Not the drink. He wasn't drunk. Not anymore at any rate. Stupid Sakura and her new jutsu. He definitely preferred her when she was annoying.

"Fine, leave. But we'll just follow you and discuss this anywhere you go. In the streets of Konoha if we have to. We'll even talk about it in Ichiraku, you have to eat at some point." He hated that knowing tone of hers. She was so superior now. Irritating.

"No! Not Ichiraku's. How can you desecrate such a divine and-"

"Because we need to talk about this, Naruto. He won't do it on his own. We need to help him figure out viable options. Sasuke- I'm warning you if you take one more step, I'm posting flyers for auditions for your new bride."

He froze; then glared at her. "This doesn't concern you." He could find a wife on his own. He didn't need their help. But it was a testament to how much their friendship had changed –well his and Naruto's- and how much he actually feared Sakura making good on her promise that he turned around and stomped back to sit underneath the tree once more. He settled himself in his usual position and closed his eyes. Maybe if he just kept them closed for a while, the dobe and the...he needed a nickname for Sakura. Something appropriate, like Nurse Bitch.

"I still think he's gay."

"That's going to make having a child a little difficult." Since when did Sakura get so sharp?! And dammit, he's not gay!

"Hn."

"What does _that_ mean?"

"I'll translate for you Sakura-chan. Yes, Sakura-chan, I am gay. Look at me in all my gayness. I learnt from the best-"

"Naruto don't do that with your tongue, it's creepy."

"It's what the snake-paedo did."

"I'm not gay."

"I never actually got that close to... he just liked little boys didn't he? Poor you Naruto. Poor Sasuke too."

"Yeah, but it's too late for him now. At least I have the love of a... good woman." He finished the sentence in a whisper, looking around him suspiciously.

Sasuke glowered at him. Did he forget that Neji was away on a mission? What an idiot! He turned his attention to Sakura with the faint feeling that he really didn't like being double-teamed. "I'm not gay!"

"Can you prove that?" She dismissed the question with a wave of her hand and clasped her palms in front of her, her legs splayed out before her as she settled into a seated position with her back against a tree trunk. "I know you don't want to think about it Sasuke, but I really think you need to. Especially with the elders threatening to destroy the Uchiha district. All you need is one child and that's your goal, right?"

"Maybe we could spike his drink with Viagra and then he'd have to have sex with a girl... or a boy. But it would have to be a girl, you know, to have babies and stuff."

The dobe was just poetic.

"He'd probably walk around with a... you know... instead. He's perverse like that."

He's sitting right here! What was with those two and talking about him as though he wasn't there? It was annoying. He could just use a jutsu to teleport away but since his head was just a little woozy (brain cells were being killed every second he spent with idiot one and two) he wasn't certain where he would appear. He couldn't take that risk. He liked being alive.

"Hey Sasuke, do you even masturbate?"

"Naruto! There are things you do _not_ bring up in front of a girl! God! Do you talk like that around Hinata? I'm surprised she stays conscious."

"I'm not dignifying that with an answer."

"Ha! Stupid teme that was an answer."

"Technically Naruto that was a response." Sakura corrected. She was always such a stickler for the rules. She'd fit great into the Uchiha way of life, Sasuke thought bitterly.

"He's probably still a virgin, aren't you teme? Virgin! Virgin!"

"This was supposed to be an adult conversation Naruto... are you Sasuke?"

"He's a gay virgin!"

Naruto's been spending too much time with bushy brows and the bumbling green beast of Konoha. Next thing he'd be running around in green spandex too.

"Naruto you're not- Sasuke do you _want_ me to break your fingers? Stop making seals- That's it!"

"Go Sakura!"

Sasuke was embarrassed to find because of the quickly dying brain cells, he wasn't quite able to relieve Sakura's grip on his hands and so he quickly found himself sitting at the edge of the clearing with Sakura holding his hands tightly with hers.

"So, like seriously Sasuke..." Oh god, Naruto was acting serious. Really, _acting_ serious. It was slightly disturbing and involved a lot of eyebrow twitching. "... do you even know where to put _it_?"

If only Sakura wasn't threatening to break his fingers, Sasuke would finally finish what he hadn't been able to do in the Valley of the End.

"'Cos Sakura's got these really great diagrams in her office-"

"Naruto! You pervert. Stop looking through my stuff."

"Oh well then, I'm sure Kakashi-sensei would lend you one of his books. They're really good too, got all sorts of positions. Hinata and I haven't tried many of them yet 'cos she's only comfortable with the face to face position at the moment, you know-" Was the dobe more annoying when he gave his lengthy lectures on ramen or not? "but I'm hoping to get her to try others too, like I got her to try pork ramen instead of miso and-" Oh yeah, there was the ramen. He knew the idiot couldn't talk long without mentioning his addiction.

"Naruto! I can assure you Hinata would not be happy to hear you telling us things like that!"

"But it's to help the bastard. Like, if Hinata can overcome her shyness, then so can Sasuke."

Sakura turned to look at him and Sasuke glowers at the probing look. "Is that it Sasuke, are you shy?"

This is not happening. This is just not happening. He's stuck in one of Itachi's genjutsus and any minute he would die and be released.

"Sasuke, this will go over a whole lot easier if you would just cooperate. We only have your best interests at heart. Do you want the talk from Kakashi-sensei? Or Jiraiya?"

"Maybe Sasuke doesn't have a dick. To think Sai was so close but so far. He had the right idea, just the wrong teammate. Don't worry, teme, Sakura-chan can regrow anything."

"That's bones Naruto... not well, missing appendages!"

"I'm not a bloody starfish!"

"Ok, let's leave Sasuke's sexual preferences out of this for a moment," Sakura muttered, releasing one hand from her death grip on his to rub her temple. "What about adoption?"

"Yeah and pluck out your eyes so that your child could have your Mangekyou Sharingan!"

"Naruto!"

He's going to kill the dobe. Slowly and with a lot of fire style jutsu and genjutsu and shuriken. "I'm not adopting." God knows what sort of child he could end up with.

"Fine. So we're back to the AI."

"Bet'cha Gaara has sex, and Neji."

"Naruto, how does this help?"

"Maybe Gaara has sex with the Hyuuga!"

"Sasuke!"

"MY EYES! MY EYES!"

"This is _not_ funny." Sakura muttered releasing her other hand from his to cover her face.

Success. He took another slug from the sake bottle. It was obvious he was going to need it to forget this episode ever happened... plus he was beginning to get awful images of red hair and white eyes... his stomach churned.

"Actually there might be another method." Sakura said, lifting her face to look at the trees before her. "There was something in a medical journal in Tsunade-shishou's office... um, let me remember, it was about men being able to carry children soon without needing a woman."

"Uh... have you learnt how to grow a womb in a man, Sakura-chan?"

He really doesn't want to hear this stuff.

"They don't use a womb, they use the... well the intestines."

"But then... Sakura-chan I don't think that would work. Ano, Sakura-chan, where would the baby come out?"

He's not drunk enough. He's not drunk enough. Lalala! Silence had suddenly descended and he looked up warily.

"Stop looking at my ass, you dobe!"

"Hey, Sakura-chan? Can an ass stretch that much?"

"I don't think so... I mean, I've never heard of anyone passing faeces the size of a watermelon."

Just keep drinking. Just keep drinking.

"He'd never be able to sit again. But, hey, Sasuke, now you'll have a reason to look constipated."

"But first he'd have to remove that stick from his ass."

"..." That was bitchy. Nurse Bitch strikes again.

"Way to go Sakura-chan!"

"Besides, he'd need to have an egg donor who must be female so we're back to square one." With a sigh, Sakura reached over to take his bottle from him and took a drink herself, not even bothering to wipe off his saliva. He could have backwashed for all she knew.

"Right Sasuke, what kind of woman would you want for an egg donor?"

"..." Again another stupid question that didn't warrant a response.

"What about Ino... no. She's on and off with Shikamaru. Hinata is-" "Hey" "-let me finish Naruto, she's obviously with Naruto, for her sins. Temari?"

"..."

"Ok, maybe not. Point that kunai somewhere else Sasuke. You can't like Ten-Ten, she's way too good for you, she'd kill you for being you and I think Neji likes her. He gets all jealous when she goes to the bar with Kiba, Lee and I. Hanabi?"

"... Hyuuga and Uchiha don't mix."

"You could get a cool new bloodline technique?"

"Or obliterate the ones we have. Besides, she's spoilt."

"Pot, kettle, black. What about? ... Can't use Karin, I bet she has fangs in her vagina."

"Sakura-chan?"

Wow Nurse Bitch is excelling herself today. "I wouldn't know."

"Good, I'm not helping raise her babies. God knows what kind of monsters they'd be. No offence, Sasuke, you'd probably give them great genes but she'd mess them up."

"I thought you didn't want Sasuke's babies?"

"I don't want them _in_ me, I'm not having babies. But I don't mind helping Sasuke out if he needs a baby sitter or anything like that. I'll do the same for you and yours Naruto. I'll be like their favourite aunt or godmother. You can trust me to look after your children."

"Don't you want any of your own Sakura-chan?"

"Well yeah, but I'd have to find someone first and there's no rush on me, like there is with Sasuke."

Sasuke wondered if she realized just how bad a liar she was. Honestly after all this time, she should have understood that she couldn't lie to save herself.

"Who else? I'm thinking of females we know but... what about Snow princess girl? Yukie?"

"NO WAY!"

"Naruto you have Hinata!"

"No. I don't like the cold."

"Says the boy who didn't cover up for two years. Seriously Sasuke, a bathrobe? I'm surprised Orochimaru didn't kill you with pneumonia."

"Uchiha's have perfect immune systems."

"Whatever. Can you at least give me a prerequisite for a potential mother of your children?"

_A what?_ "Hn?"

"Just some things that you'd like in a potential wife/mother/matriarch. Anything that'll make things easier."

Why did he have to do this? It wasn't really anything to do with Sakura or Naruto. He was perfectly fine dealing with this stuff himself. If the council hadn't butted in, he would have had lots of time to deal with it. He suddenly frowned. What was that book?

"You've ruled out all the females we know, so maybe there are ones in here that you'll like the look of."

"I don't want anyone I can't stand being around for longer than thirty seconds."

Sakura growled, slamming the book shut. "Well that leaves me, Naruto, and Kakashi. Oh and Pakkun." She added bitingly.

"Leave Pakkun out of it." What was she trying to say?!

"Yeah Sasuke's right. We've gotta leave some choice for Kiba."

"Naruto! Leave Kiba alone. I like him, he's nice."

"Yeah but he's a bit too lovey-dovey with that dog of his, it makes you wonder." The dobe folded his arms behind his head and looked up at the sky, his typical _thinking_ posture. "Hey... what about Anko?"

"Anko?"

Anko? Wasn't she that psychotic chuunin proctor who wanted them all to die in the forest of death? Why would Naruto even suggest that woman? He'd never spoken or interacted with her in his life. It was Naruto she had paid attention to.

"Well yeah, I mean Sasuke's a masochist and she's a sadist, so..."

"Do I even want to know how you understand what that is?" At Naruto's expression, she sighed. "It's Jiraiya, isn't it? Dammit, why couldn't you learn something important from that perverted old sannin? You're Hokage now! You can't say things like that."

Sasuke was not a masochist. "Che."

"You might have a point though Naruto; it would explain what the ropes were for."

"What ropes?" He didn't have ropes... oh. Oh!

"Yeah he looks like he'd go for the kinky sex and bondage and snakes..."

"Well I wasn't going to go that far."

He didn't like the way the two of them were looking at him. The snakes were ninja tools like the dobe's frogs and her slugs, only far more befitting for an Uchiha and the ropes were part of a uniform that held up his trousers. He did not use them in _that_ way!

"Wait, how would I use snakes during sex?!" The ropes he could vaguely imagine but the snakes... oh wrong! Just wrong. How was he supposed to exert any control over Manda now?!

Naruto snickered and leaned over, almost on top of the pink haired kunoichi. "Hey Sakura, Sasuke doesn't know what to do with his snake."

"Sai could tell him, with informative diagrams too."

"Sai could use Sasuke to figure things out, like a test dummy. Then they'd both learn about sex."

Sakura muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "the blind leading the blind" but he couldn't be sure.

"I'm not gay. Why do you keep saying that?"

Naruto seemed to think that was a philosophical expression as he hummed under his breath and tapped his lip in a contemplative manner. "Well, you're too pretty to be a real boy and Sas_uke_, the clue's kind of in the name. You spent years with the snake-paedo and you were obsessed with your brother and you prefer the company of boys, to girls. You're gay."

"I don't think so Naruto." Oh, he knew he liked Sakura, he always said she was smart. "I think he'd top. Uke's submissive and Sasuke's too dominant."

"But he's all delicate Sakura-chan; he wouldn't have the strength to top. And he's emotionally stunted, he'd never make the first move."

"Hmm. Did he top with Sai or did Sai top? It was Sasuke wasn't it?"

Hold on, what?!

"Huh?" Naruto didn't seem to know either... what kind of dreams did Sakura have? He took it back; she wasn't the smart one. "Oh... I can't remember. I didn't look. That was you."

"It wasn't like I had a choice. Konoharmaru just did it front of me. No warning!"

"You were saying it was perverted, he was just showing you how great a distraction it is."

"Oh yeah, give everyone a nosebleed by making Sai and Sasuke appear lying naked together – woops, sorry Sasuke. Hey, are you ok? You look a little green."

"Aw, Sasu-chan-"

"What did you call me, you dobe?!"

"Sasu-chan! I think it works quite well with your uke self."

A fit of coughing and spluttering broke the tense and deadly silence as Sakura fell onto her side, her shoulders shaking as she tried to control her hacking.

"I'm not gay! I like women!"

"Yes! We've made progress. Now we just have to figure out what type of women you like. Tall, short, fat, skinny... hey I'll help with my sexy-no-jutsu!"

"No Naruto-" _poof!_ "Oh my god." Sakura's coughing stopped abruptly.

There are things that not even alcohol can prepare you for. Seeing a naked female Naruto is one of them. Because of that, Sasuke took yet another long drink from the never-ending sake bottle and passed it to Sakura because she looked like she needed it. His head was beginning to feel delightfully fuzzy.

"What about this type of body? Do you like blonde hair? Come on, Sasu-chan!"

"If you squint your eyes, it won't really look like Naruto." Sakura informed him helpfully.

"Do you wanna feel?"

"No! I don't want to feel. I don't want to get married and I don't want babies. They smell."

"You don't have to have one... you'd need an erection first and, and sperm!" Naruto blurted out the last word as if he knew something no one else did and that they should all be in awe of him. Such a dobe.

"I'm having no part of this." Sakura muttered, dropping her head onto her knees.

"I have sperm! And I can get an erection... I think." He obviously didn't have one now because that was Naruto... even naked and with breasts it was still Naruto! See that proved he wasn't gay. "Hey dobe, stop looking _there_."

"Why, you're looking. I'm trying to see if you have one."

"Of course I don't have one now, you're still you."

"Hey, maybe you could do the sexy-no-jutsu and get someone to impregnate you!"

"That still involves getting a donor Naruto and we don't know if the sexy-no-jutsu, while having the outside parts, has the inside parts, like ovaries, fallopian tube, womb, etc." Sakura mumbled tiredly causing Sasuke to snort. She really couldn't hold her drink. "I don't know what you're laughing at Sasuke, you being drunk is killing sperm."

She had no need to sound so smug. "One time thing. Not going to happen again. Alcohol makes my head woozy."

"Woah, Sakura-chan. Did you count that? That was like the most words Sasuke's ever said without involving the topic of _him _or his revenge!"

Sakura began to chuckle, which turned to breathless giggles so that she rolled onto her side and her head found itself disturbingly comfortable on his lap. His _lap_. Quite close to vulnerable, tingly parts of his anatomy. He scowled and tried to push her off, only to earn a bemused look from a suddenly sober Sakura.

"Uh-on. Little Sasuke seems to have woken up. Heh. Sorry Sasuke."

"Really? Lemme see!"

"Dobe! Get the fuck off me!"

"Naruto that's my hair you're standing on. Get off!"

"Does he even have one?"

"Trust me he has one. Now get your breasts out of my face!"

"Sorry Sakura-chan. But, way to go teme! I guess that means you do like girls... or you're bi. It's ok to be bi. I think I might be bi, if I didn't have Hinata-chan."

"This," Sasuke began, pushing Sakura up and leaning her against the tree trunk, only to have her head slump onto his shoulders –he was pretty sure she was just doing this on purpose now, "is why I don't talk to you. You wouldn't understand anything I say."

"Sasuke that better not be an insult towards my intelligence!"

"Yeah that's right teme; we're as smart as you any day." Says the male idiot sitting in his female, _naked_ form.

"..."

"Huh? Hey, what's wrong Sakura? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Sasuke snorted, suddenly amused. His teammates are a riot. "At least _she _gets it."

"Gets what? What? What am I missing? Stop hiding things from me! I'm the Hokage. I demand you tell me things." How was Sasuke expected to take his Hokage seriously when said Hokage was naked and shaking his breasts? Well at least the fifth only did one of the two.

"You're an idiot. _She_ isn't. Not anymore. Maybe."

"Sasuke," Sakura purred and he shivered in reaction, it was weird feeling someone's voice vibrate against your shoulder. "...if you want to keep certain parts of your anatomy intact, I'd suggest you stop insulting my intelligence; drunk boy."

"Not drunk."

She snorted and he jerked a shoulder to prevent her breath from tickling his neck. He was tender there!

"Well, tell me, Uchiha-san, what would you call your actions right now?"

"I'm thinking."

"Which in Sasuke terms means brooding."

His head was beginning to feel too heavy for his neck, hence why he was using Sakura's head to lean on. Not for any other reason, simply that she was there and he was using his teammate as a ninja tool in the ninja way. What did she wash her hair with? "Thinking hurts. And I don't brood."

"Sasuke..." She trailed off, eyes fluttering closed as she stifled a yawn. "... maybe brooding isn't the right word, I mean most people brood when they're angry but you do it all the time. It's like some kind of mental condition." She let that sink in, before lobbing another grenade. "No wonder you can't get a wife."

"Or laid, don't forget that Sakura-chan. Sasuke's a virgin!"

That's it! He was not being insulted by his best friend in his female form. "I'm not gay. I like women. I do get horny and I'm NOT A VIRGIN!"

"Prove it."

"Naruto how can he prove he's not a virgin?" Finally, Sakura seemed to be getting as annoyed as he was.

"Well, he can't but that still doesn't prove he likes girls. How can he? He's never interacted with any besides you, and Tsunade."

"Don't forget Karin. That bitch. She was always flirting with him. '_Stay away from my Sasuke-kun'_. Ugh."

Hypocrite. Sakura's a hypocrite.

"Yeah, but Sasu-chan wouldn't notice if a girl was flirting with him if she was bit him on the ass... or anywhere else."

"I would so. I just don't like it when they're so obvious, all big eyes and gropey hands and big breasts in my face. Ew."

"Note that down, he doesn't like big-" Sakura angled her head to look up at him, putting their faces unnervingly close. "-hold on, Sasuke, did you just say ew?"

"Haha! Teme's sloshed!"

"Besides, I've warned you about going near Tsunade-shishou when she's drunk. She doesn't know who you are at that stage and she can get very affectionate, when she's not violent. Not to mention, if you were taller, their breasts wouldn't be _in_ your face."

"I'm taller than you baka, and they lean forward and do something with their arms," Disturbingly, Sasuke began to show them by pushing his arms together to form breasts; at least that's what the women did. Sometimes Sakura did it when she folded her arms or when she leaned over... not going there now. "and in my _face_." He finished.

Naruto collapsed onto the ground in a fit of feminine giggles.

"Naruto, stop flashing me!"

Sasuke averted his eyes and found himself staring down at Sakura's hair. He studied its unique colour for a moment before closing his eyes and breathing in. When she tensed, he quickly looked away. No need for her to assume he was doing anything other than trying to identify the fragrance.

"We should get Sasuke drunk more often, ne Sakura-chan? This is fun."

If this was Naruto's version of fun, Sasuke would hate to see his version of torture and awkwardness. He was being given the worst sex talk by his virgin friend and his perverted friend. At least he figured Sakura was a virgin. She wasn't the type to just have sex, at least he didn't think so. "Is not."

"Is so."

"'M not drunk!"

"No you're totally inebriated at this point. Drunk doesn't even begin to cover it. You wouldn't even be able to get it up now-" Did she forget what happened a minute ago? "with this amount of alcohol in your system, so there goes your plan to get drunk enough to get laid."

"Wow, Sakura-chan; that was pretty blunt."

"It's true."

"I'm not drunk!" And he wasn't getting drunk to get laid, he was getting drunk to escape this stupid baby incubator plot. "I don't wanna get laid either."

"I knew it! He doesn't have a penis. He's not a real guy!"

"I'm the real Gai!" For a long moment the trio stared at the green spandex clad man who had just appeared in the clearing before them.

"WAH!"

Sasuke winced as his teammates screamed, Sakura pressing up against him while Naruto scurried behind him to hide his naked female form. Why he didn't transform back to his original form... dobe.

"Gai-sensei!" Great, yet another idiot to join the performance; and they said Konoha was a powerhouse of elite ninja's.

"Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"I'm gonna puke."

"Gai-sensei!"

"Not on me you won't. Ugh, this could go on for a while," Sakura mused, "I think we should leave."

"Lee!"

"Ano sa... when did it become so late? The sun's setting already?"

"Now those two are gay!"

"I'm thinking it's some kind of genjutsu or something. It always seems to show up around those two." Sakura theorised getting to her feet, blatantly ignoring Sasuke's comment. Which was true. They were gay. Everyone else was just blind and couldn't see it. Exactly what you would expect from those without the Sharingan. "Come on, Naruto change back and help me get Sasuke away from here."

-

Five minutes later saw the trio propped up against the old bridge where they had once waited for Kakashi all those long years ago.

"Those two are weird. Do you think they have sex?"

"With each other?" At Naruto's green look, Sasuke figured he hadn't meant that. "Oh with other people. Who cares?"

"I do. Think about it, do you want another Lee or Gai in this world? That would just be weird."

"Oh leave Lee alone. He's nice and he's polite, well mannered-"

"One drink of sake makes him completely drunk. He's got this technique, Sasuke, called the drunken fist and it's really cool. You should try and see if you can do it."

"And end up flat on your ass in the stream." Sakura kindly pointed out, not looking at either of them but concentrating on the water. "Besides, Lee's more flexible than you guys."

"Heh, are you insinuating something Sakura-chan? You and fuzzy-brows didn't ever-"

"Hell no! What do you take me for? I'm not someone who sleeps around like you two!"

"Oh yeah, Sasuke's not a virgin. So who'd you sleep with?"

"Sure Naruto, ignore the fact that your only _female_ teammate is here."

"Hey, you come to the bar and listen to all our talks and I bet you girls talk about sex all the time."

"That's different."

"Whatever, do you think Gaara has sex?"

"What is with your obsession with other people's sex lives?" Sasuke finally demanded, folding his arms and resting the sole of his foot against the bridge.

"I think the sand would get everywhere." Sakura stated.

"Yeah that would itch and burn."

"Would you guys shut up?"

"Ano sa, Sasuke, you say you get horny, but I haven't seen you take any interest in the girls around Konoha. Not just the kunoichi, but any females and you have loads of fans."

"I'm just not a horndog like you guys!" Even as the words left his mouth, he knew they were the wrong thing to say as Sakura snapped out of her thoughts and whirled to face him, eyes blazing angrily.

"I'm not a... horndog!"

"You were looking at my ass!"

"When?!"

"In the bar."

Her eyes widened before shutting and she began to point violently at him with her finger. "First of all, I was drunk. Second, I thought you were Sai."

"..." Oh like that was so much better.

"Oh pity's sake. You have a nice ass, ok, Sasuke. But honestly, I didn't know you were you. I thought you were Sai." She growled and flopped back against the railings while Naruto perched himself on the ground. "Being serious, Sasuke, what kind of girl would you want to marry? It would be a shame to see the Uchiha line die out."

"I'll have children when I'm ready."

"You might never be ready and you could die on any mission. You have to be more careful. I know being a dad's a full time occupation, but your dad did it, right?"

"He wasn't a black op; he was in the military police."

"Which you're starting up again, right teme?"

"Sasuke, you're about as stable as you'll ever be. So I think you really need to start considering what type of wife and mother for your kids you want." When he remained silent, because really, what was there to say, she added, "Well we know you don't like big breasts, so that's one thing. What about legs?"

"I'd prefer her to have them."

There was a pause before a smirk curved her lips. "Alright, that was a stupid question, what about-"

"Physical attributes aren't important."

"Don't they matter a little teme? You're not going to marry some dog faced-"

"If that even hints at an insult to Kiba, you're a-"

"No, no, I wasn't even going to mention him."

"Outward beauty is just a lie." Sasuke muttered. After all, look at his brother. He had lots of fangirls and he was a completely insane bastard. Deidara would have been considered good looking too and he was a mental psychopath. Lee, who was seemingly revolting to the females, was a complete gentleman, and Neji was, while polite, often cold and fastidious. Looks in other words meant nothing. True beauty came from within... and he was never, never drinking again.

"So you're looking for inner beauty?" He could almost hear the sardonic 'good luck' hidden behind Sakura's words.

"Aw that's so sweet Sasu-chan... and gay, definitely gay."

"Dobe!"

"How about this? Me and Sakura will strip and which ever of us you react to will prove what sex you like. Unless you're scared, scaredy cat."

"Naruto I'm not stripping."

"Aw, c'mon Sakura-chan."

"No! Naruto put your shirt back on- What is with him and taking his clothes off all the time?" She demanded, rounding on Sasuke who had turned his back on the debacle. He knew he liked girls. He didn't have to prove anything. He was an Uchiha after all... and he was thinking entirely too sober. Damn metabolism.

"I need more sake."

"No you don't." At his dark look, she offered up a soft smile. "Look, I know you think we're butting into your life and that we're always trying to annoy you but we're not. We only want to see you happy- no, I don't mean that you should be bouncing off the walls with joy, Sasuke, I know that's not you but we both want you to be content with your life and for you to achieve your goals –though that's mainly because the elders are being assholes and pressuring you to have a wife. If you think about it, I'd say they'd be happy if you even showed a hint of interest in a female, that way they'd know that you'd complete the task at some stage and somewhere down the line there'll be little Uchiha's running around." Suddenly her smile widened and warmed. "I actually can't wait; can you imagine how adorable they'll be? And little Uzumaki's to fight with them and little Nara's to be lazy and Hyuuga's to be rivals. It'll be like the new generation."

"Take 'em off, take 'em off!" Somewhere, during Sakura's sweet little gushing speech about children, Naruto had formed clones to cheer him on in his striptease. Honestly, you'd think the dobe had been drinking, not him and Sakura. It was sad to say that Naruto, the idiot Hokage of Konoha was the only one completely sober. Iruka-san was going to have a fit.

"What about little Sakura's to boss everyone around?"

"Ah well, you see I don't think there'll be any little Sakura's for a long time. I still have so much to achieve. I want to be the best medic in Konoha and I don't want to give up my job to be someone's wife. I'll cut down my hours but I'm a kunoichi, I can't give up that way of life and that can be intimidating to some males. Not to the rookie nine or Gai's team of course, they understand how much I've put into becoming a ninja but there are chauvinists who think females, especially medics, don't deserve to be out in the field. I have to prove them wrong."

Sasuke studied her, intrigued. So she really had changed. He was impressed. She'd really grown up and proved that she could be mature with an insight into things that surprised him.

"Watch where you throw that! You're going to take someone's eye out!"

"Whose shoe hit me?"

"You don't pull it like that, pull it like this!"

"Hey look I'm Sakura-chan!"

"_What_?!"

Both of them whipped round to glare at the Narutos and his one clone of Sakura, who was slowly, teasingly, removing her clothes.

"Naruto!"

"What? I'm just showing teme what-"

"Dobe!"

"Naruto! Dammit, he could have at least got my size right, the stupid moron!"

Why did it surprise him that she would be more concerned about that instead of her modesty being compromised? His team was so dysfunctional. "Come on Sakura." Without another word, he walked off leaving Sakura to wander behind him, after disabling the Sakura clone with a random shoe she'd found.

"I can't believe that in his sexy-no-jutsu form, Naruto's breasts are bigger than mine."

Oh dear god. Women. "Anything more than a handful's a waste. Typical that the dobe wouldn't realize that."

"Do boys really believe that? Or is that a myth that women came up with to reassure themselves?" Sakura wondered, falling into step with him.

He shortened his stride so that she wouldn't have to jog to keep up with him. After all, if they were going to walk together, they might as well walk together. At least now he had no fears of her clinging to his arm... and why did she do that? Ninjas needed the use of both arms, and space to be able to manoeuvre should they be attacked. At least now she got it, leaving a nice distance between them that wasn't aloof looking.

"You know, Naruto and I only did this because we love you. And I mean that we love you in a strictly platonic, non gay, non romantic way. You're like Naruto's brother and Naruto's like my brother, so we should be like siblings too."

Funny, he didn't like that description. Sakura had never been like his sister. Then again, having never had one, he wasn't sure what to expect from one. Judging from Kiba's comments, older sisters were pains in the ass, so Sakura had that covered. They were bossy, again another tick and they constantly ridiculed everything you did, she didn't do that so much but then again, he was smarter than her. Kiba couldn't say that about his sister.

"Your children will have a good life, you know. Even if you're worried about that, they'll have their dad, their uncles and their aunts. I'll be the coolest aunt ever."

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"Because I'll be their aunt, right?"

"You should have your own children to look after."

"I will at some stage Sasuke, but I'll look after yours too. Or are the Uchiha children going to be too good to play with mine?"

It all sounded so wrong. Her children and his children. Part of him felt it should be their children. But why? They weren't anything to each other, apart from teammates and tentative friends.

"What made you decide you didn't want to marry me?"

She faltered, her body growing tense beside him before she continued, soberly contemplating what he'd just asked. "I guess a combination of things really. It's kind of awkward. The main point is that, I've known for a long time that you and I were never going to happen. I think I held on to the memory of you as a kind of safe guard. As long as I was 'in love' with you, I couldn't notice anyone else. Another thing is that I'm not in love with you." At his sharp look, she expanded on her point. "I mean, I don't even know you that well. Physical attraction isn't enough for a marriage and part of me only thought you'd marry me to have your children. What sort of life would that be for me, you or the children? Besides, I was drunk Sasuke and you shouldn't trust the words of a drunk woman."

"Oi, Billboard Brow! Sasuke-kun!"

"Ino-Pig." Sakura muttered under her breath before mustering up a smile. "How're you?"

"Good, good. Nothing to complain about. Hey Sasuke-kun. Can I borrow your... teammate for a moment?"

He shrugged. Sakura was old enough to make her own decisions; she didn't need his permission. After all, they were nothing to each other. Except she was his friend. She and Naruto were the closest bonds he had. He watched as she smiled warmly at something Ino said before the blonde cast him a curious look. Realizing he was just standing in the middle of the street staring at his teammate, he turned on his heel and headed towards his apartment, raising a hand in a lazy wave when Sakura called out to tell she'd talk to him later.

Hn. If she found him.

**

* * *

A.N.** Well I hope you enjoyed Sasuke's take on his enforced procreation. There will be about three more oneshot type chapters for this story, next will be Sakura's point of view, then Sasuke's and then possibly Naruto's but I'm not sure yet. I'll try to write it as soon as possible. 

Please review. They're really inspiring.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Naruto.

* * *

**A.N. **_Well, this chapter is now AU (not that it wasn't really, because seriously, how OOC are these characters?) as of Chapter 397 due to Madara's rather disturbing announcement. Seriously, just when you thought it was safe to get back in the water... che. Kishimoto just loves his twists but I'd like to keep this story simple, lol. _

**Warnings**: Spoilers, language, sexual innuendo, OOC characters, Sasuke jumping out a window and a drunken Sakura.

Oh before I forget, credit must go to _Desert Anbu_ because without her, I wouldn't have the inspiration to write this, nor half of the witty one liners that appear in the various conversations. She is ma muse and she's damn good at the job.

Turkey Bastor

By: **Zadien**

* * *

"Hey you said Kakashi reads porn right?"

Sakura took a sip of her sake and suddenly wished she hadn't as she swallowed awkwardly while fighting off the urge to cough. The drink removed from her mouth, she turned her attention to the questioner with a mild glare.

"Right." She answered slowly, wondering where Kiba was heading with this bizarre question. She rarely saw Kakashi anymore unless he was injured and during those episodes, he wasn't allowed to have any porn while she was healing him. It was part of their deal, besides, she didn't like the idea that Kiba might be turning into a pervert himself. His humour was heading that way but for the moment, he was harmless. The idea that another Kakashi might be emerging... she shuddered and quickly added, "Which is completely disgusting considering that he was teaching twelve year olds at the time." though he might have considered teaching Sasuke something...

"Well..."

She groaned. Oh, she knew it! She just knew it! Kiba had always had that little aura to him of not quite wholesome goodness. "Oh god Kiba, what are you thinking about this time?"

Tenten looked at the pair with a faint gleam of amusement. "You know," she mused, "he only gets this philosophical when he's drunk, the rest of the time he's a pretty ok guy."

There was a burst of laughter from the table, while Sai looked up with a pleasantly blank smile that spoke of his bemusement or bewilderment. It was often hard to tell.

Kiba settled for sending a mild glare to the weapon's mistress; then he turned to the table with an imploring expression. "No, listen, this is really important."

"It's about Kakashi and porn, how does that equal importance?" Sakura muttered into her drink, idly skimming her gaze over onto the napkin on which Sai was doodling. A smirk curved her lips as he drew a picture of Kiba in Kakashi's image complete with the jounin vest and a distinctive orange book that his nose was buried within. Even his hair was the same; the only reason she knew it was Kiba was because of his face markings and Akamaru, upon who he was sitting.

"Sshh!" Kiba snapped, his teeth clicking audibly before hushing his voice conspiratorially as he glanced round suspiciously at the other jounin in the bar. "Now, either your sensei has become desensitized or... he's got special padding or something in his pants-"

Sakura dropped her head upon the desk with a loud groan. "Oh kami, this is just wrong!" It was bad enough she had certain memories that just wouldn't go away, brought upon by the damn book that should be burned but now she was... well, let's put it this way, she would never be able to look her dear sensei in the eye ever again. Not that she ever did, because he was always nose deep in that stupid book. "Lalala, I'm not listening."

"...because have any of you seen the man walking around with a tent?" Kiba continued, rounding on Tenten and a sleepy Shikamaru, who was content to rest his head on his folded arms and pay little to no attention to the people around him. This was their Friday night ritual, these people were his friends who accepted his odd lazy quirks as much as he accepted theirs and Ino was on a date with Sasuke Uchiha on the opposite side of the room where his gaze just happened to be resting.

"I have." Tenten suddenly offered up.

Kiba's gaze pinned her while both Sakura and Shikamaru raised their heads, suddenly alert. "Really?"

"What?!"

"Tenten?" Shikamaru frowned at her while Sai asked the blatantly obvious question of: "Why were you looking there?"

"To make sure he had the right equipment..." Tenten answered. "You know for an overnight mission. You don't really expect the man to sleep in a tree in snow country do you?"

"Aw Tenten!" Sakura cried out; dropping her head back down onto the table as her shoulders shook with silent laughter.

"Not that kind of tent!" Kiba growled; she had just ruined his entire philosophical idea. He was trying to make a point.

"Really? What other kind is there?" Tenten wondered feigning naivety; honestly, sometimes Kiba was so easy to wind up. Of course, it took some considerable skill and intelligence to do it since the boy could smell lies due to his canine abilities.

"Well... Yeah..." Kiba sighed, over more chuckles of laughter.

Shikamaru caught a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye and his head tilted to observe the approach of his old teammate and even older friend, Ino Yamanaka. Obviously, her date with the human ice cube was finally over and it didn't look as though it had gone so well. Her expression was solemn, almost troubled, as she weaved through the crowds, shooting quick speculative glances back at the table she'd just come from.

"Maybe Kakashi's become desensitized?" Tenten offered reasonably and Shikamaru averted his attention back to his companions as Ino veered off to the bar to top up her drink.

Kiba gaped at the brunette then turned to the pink haired kunoichi. "Can you become desensitized to sex?"

"Why are you looking at me?" Sakura demanded, as if she'd know anything about the subject. Just because Kakashi had been her sensei didn't mean she knew anything about his chosen past time. She had done everything she could to keep her distance from that side of the man. He may have been one of the best shinobis in the village but his perverted tendencies were a decisive flaw in his genetic makeup.

"Can you?"

"Kiba... it's not a medical problem I've ever come across but... sure, I guess you can become desensitized to...porn." She muttered the last word under her breath, casting a quick glance around the bar in case any of her patients or peers were within hearing distance.

"Of course you can become desensitized." Tenten added. "If you can become desensitized to violence, which we most definitely are and from a young age too, it's logical that you can become desensitized to other things that you encounter all the time."

"But we don't get pleasure from violence and-"

"You just said Kakashi doesn't have a tent." Sai pointed out magnanimously. "Obviously he derives no pleasure from his books."

Did Sai even understand what a tent had to do with anything? Sakura found herself wondering, after all, out of the group, Sai was the most naive about anything involving emotions.

"Then why does he read them?"

Sakura dropped her head down onto the table again, her forehead protesting loudly at its apparent abuse. She lifted her head slowly and met Ino's gaze over Sai's shoulder; raising her hand, she waved, motioning for her friend to take the vacant seat beside her.

"Hey Ino." Tenten greeted before returning her attention back to Kiba. "Because people expect him to? Or maybe he just likes the reaction he gets when people see him with it?"

"No, he really likes them. He giggles." Sai pointed out, earning wide eyed looks from the other two.

Sakura physically turned her body to give Ino her complete and utter attention when the blonde took a seat between her and Shikamaru. "Thank god you're here."

"Hm? What's wrong?"

"They're discussing Kakashi-sensei's porn. They're literally discussing it. I'm worried."

"Is that why you guys were being so loud?" Ino demanded pettily.

"I didn't think we were being that loud." Except, to counter Sakura's claim, the table –bar Shikamaru and Sai- burst into a round of rowdy laughter. The pink haired girl sighed. Note to self, she thought, don't go drinking with Kiba and Tenten. It's definitely the worst mix. "Sorry. So, how was your date with Sasuke?"

"Ugh, don't talk to me about it. Even Shikamaru is more interesting than he is and he pays more attention and that's saying something." The boy in question raised his head with an affronted expression before shrugging nonchalantly and slipping his head back down onto his folded arms and allowing his eyes to close once more.

Ino waved a hand at the boy with a look that clearly said 'see what I mean?'

"He was that bad?" Sakura couldn't believe... no wait, yes she could. Sasuke was notoriously bad at communicating while Shikamaru just didn't see the point in exerting energy pointlessly.

"Yeah! How do you put up with him? Ugh, well I suppose he isn't that bad around you." The blonde muttered, sipping her drink and then following it up with a long slug.

Sakura sighed. Poor Ino, all those dreams must have finally wasted away under Sasuke's lack of attention. She at least always knew that Sasuke could be so... frustratingly uninterested but Ino had only ever had her odd glimpses of Sasuke to base her ideals and fantasies on. It was no wonder she was disappointed, but maybe now she would be able to move on properly. No more one-night-stands or quick acquaintances. Maybe now, she would start thinking about long-term relationships.

"No, that's just Sasuke. He's not one for conversation; actually you'd have more success with a stone-"

"Hey don't be so mean." Tenten broke in with a laugh. "I'm sure he's not that bad." A hand whipped up as both girls opened their mouths to protest. "And, before you say anything, I have Neji to contend with, remember?"

_Sasuke versus Neji_... _I'd take Neji_, Sakura thought dryly before visibly flinching. Then again, she probably wouldn't. Neji's charm and good manners would put her teeth on edge. He was just so polite, she'd feel bad yelling at him and she liked to yell at her boys. She had always yelled at Naruto, right from the off set, because her twelve-year-old heart had realized what her mind wouldn't. Naruto was hers. He was her best friend, the one person who would always serve to amuse her and be there, the one person she could trust whole-heartedly never to let her down.

Then there was Sai; well she tried being nice to him but he deserved a good yelling at for being just as idiotic as Naruto and for not knowing when to keep his mouth shut. Naturally, she yelled at Kakashi-sensei since the man just didn't understand the term punctuality nor did he seem to have much regard for their innocent minds.

And Sasuke... well he was Sasuke. Sure, she had always feared yelling at him in case he would find that unattractive but since Sasuke had returned, she had made a promise to herself never to hide any part of her personality from him. Besides, he needed yelling at more than Naruto sometimes.

"Yeah but Neji was born with inbred manners." Ino pointed out.

"You can say inbred again- Yikes! Oi, watch where you're aiming." Kiba snarled, rubbing at his ear, which had almost been pierced by a stray senbon.

"She was watching, otherwise if she wanted to hit you, you would be hurt." A cool, cultured voice informed him.

Tenten grinned at her teammate, lifting her jacket from the chair beside her to let him sit down. "Hey Neji." She greeted, which was followed by more greetings from the others around the table.

"Wanna drink? It's my round." Kiba offered, digging into his kunai pouch for ryo.

"Was your date really that bad?" When she was sure that Kiba had all the orders down and that she had properly greeted Neji, she returned to her conversation with Ino.

"He didn't pay me an ounce of attention. The only thing he paid attention to was you- are you sure there's nothing going on between you two?"

Sakura couldn't help but frown before she shook it off. She couldn't help what Ino read into things, after all, most of their friendship was based on that childhood rivalry that would never quite go away. "Positive. I told you Ino-pig, even if Sasuke was interested in me –which I doubt- I'm not interested in being his baby incubator. Besides, he was more than likely looking at our group. You know he feels more comfortable in a group rather than in one-on-one setting. Even in battles, he prefers to take on huge groups of shinobi instead of just one. It's just how he is. So you going for your date now Tenten?"

Though Sakura would always claim that that Naruto was the masochist and Sasuke was the sadist of their group, she had to admit she took a distinct pleasure in watching Neji's head whip up at her casual question.

The female member of team Gai was completely oblivious to the piercing look her teammate was giving her. "I suppose I might as well, after all, when is the opportunity going to come up next? Or not..."

"Hmm?" Sakura frowned and followed her gaze.

"He's gone."

"What? But... oh, I thought he might have come over and said hi." She sighed softly before mustering up a smile with a jerk of her shoulder. "Oh well, I'm sure he had things to do."

Nevertheless, couldn't he have said hello? She'd thought they were getting along now, that they might even try to be friends, real friends. However, it seemed as though their little interlude walking away from the bridge had changed nothing, Sasuke was just as aloof as ever. The only reason he was agreeing to these dates was that Naruto had promised not to assign him any more missions unless he did so. Then Sasuke had threatened to run off again which had resulted in a big fight inside the Hokage's tower which had to be separated by Izumo and Kotetsu who ended up more injured than the fighters. She only knew this because she had been the one to treat all four of the idiots.

Maybe that was why Sasuke was being aloof once more; she had given him quite a scolding for his participation in the fight. Honestly, he was a top ranking shinobi and he shouldn't be involved in public fighting with the Hokage where any number of impressionable young chunin and genin could come across him. She'd given Naruto the same talking to which resulted in the young blond apologizing and begging for forgiveness. Sasuke had just grunted and turned away in a sulk. Che.

**What a jerk.**

Sakura nodded, he had been a jerk. She was just trying to... mother him. Oh god, was that what he thought? After all, it was something a mother would say, and while Naruto would appreciate it because he knew she was just saying it for his own good, Sasuke would just find it condescending. Surely, he knew he was in the wrong; he hadn't needed her to tell him that. Oh brother.

"Earth to Sakura!"

She blinked and flushed under the amused looks her friends were sending her. "Sorry. Ah, what were you saying?"

"Neji was just asking how Naruto is doing."

"Oh, Naruto? He's doing fine."

"The Hokage work isn't turning out to be too much trouble for him?" Kiba demanded.

"No. I mean, I thought it might but Naruto's taking everything in his stride. Then again, he does have Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei and Tsunade-shishou to turn to when he needs advice and he uses Sasuke to beat out all his frustrations. Plus he uses his clones to give him a break every so often so it's not like he's trapped up there constantly."

"He hasn't turned to the sake yet, then?" TenTen wondered with a grin.

"No, that's Sakura."

Sakura flushed sheepishly. Was Ino never going to let her live that one day down? Yes, she got drunk and yes, she told Sasuke all the reasons she never wanted to marry him even though he'd never asked but she thought he was Sai. Scowling, she punched the boy beside her on the arm.

"Ow." Sai murmured tonelessly. It wasn't that the punch hurt him, he simply said it as a reflex. People who got hurt said ow. That was normal.

"Why did you hit Sai? He wasn't there."

"No, he was supposed to be there." Instead, she ended up telling Sasuke that he would Artificially Inseminate his wife. She gulped down her drink and dropped her empty glass on the table prompting Kiba to fill it once more with the jug he'd procured from the bar.

Tenten shifted forward to pin Ino with a pointed look. "Well, would you go on a date with Sasuke again, Ino?" At Ino's dark look, she added. "I'm wondering for myself, if you're not doing a second date then maybe I won't do a first."

"No. He didn't even speak to me. In fact, from what I've heard, he hasn't spoken to any of his dates. He doesn't even arrange the dates, he just sits there and waits for a girl to sit with him and then she talks and he ignores her and when he's really bored, he tells her to leave. One sat with him, opened her mouth to say hello and he told her to leave. How embarrassing for her." Ino fell silent as the table mulled that scenario over in their heads, before she continued. "I think the only reason he let me sit there so long is because I'm an old teammate and he's scared of Billboard-brow."

"Hey!" Sakura muttered. "Beside's he's not scared of me. But if what you're saying is true, we're going to have to talk to him. This isn't part of the deal."

"What is the deal?"

"Well, it's like this Neji: Sasuke has to find a wife or at least show an interest in rebuilding his clan-" it was official, she liked the world rebuild much better than revive. The amount of times she woke at three in the morning with nightmares of a zombie Uchiha clan was embarrassing. "-or he risks losing the Uchiha estate."

"And Sakura refuses to be his wife because she doesn't want to be artificially inseminated." Sai added with his patented pleasant smile.

"Why artificially inseminated?"

"Is Sasuke impotent?"

Oh brother! "Thank you Sai. Really, thank you."

Completely immune to his teammate's sarcasm, Sai beamed. "No problem. I always like to hel-pah!"

"Sakura-" Ino warned. "Don't shake Sai-kun!"

"Why not?" The pink haired girl growled. "It might shake some sense into him."

"Haha! I knew it. Sasuke's gay!"

"Oh no." Sakura winced. Sasuke was going to kill her if Kiba started spreading that rumor. It was bad enough Naruto saying it; people just ignored the blond when it came to saying things about Sasuke. Everyone was well aware of their rivalry, so they took his declarations with a pinch of salt; however, if Kiba started saying the same, then the villagers were going to wonder. And that would just make Sasuke's job of finding a wife even harder. Crud!

"Oh my god, this explains so much."

"Not you too TenTen. Sasuke's not gay."

"Maybe he is Sakura. It would explain so much."

"Ino! Sasuke's not gay!" Now she sort of knew how Sasuke felt.

"What, just because the Uchiha doesn't want you, he must be gay?"

"Go back to sleep Shikamaru."

"Seriously Sakura, this makes sense. Sasuke chose to go with Orochimaru and everyone knows what he was like. It wouldn't surprise me if he was gay and he was always interested in boys more than girls."

"For power, Sasuke just wanted to test his capabilities. You know, so he could fight his brother. Oh..." She moaned and dropped her head back to the table. It began to throb dully, which didn't help since her mind was already fuzzy. How could she defend Sasuke when she couldn't think straight. Why was she defending Sasuke? Maybe if he had no other choice, he would be forced to turn to her and... No! She didn't want to be a consolation prize. She wanted... nothing. "Look, Sasuke's not gay! He just hasn't found the right girl yet."

"As far as I know, he hasn't found any girl. He hasn't even kissed a girl."

"Uh..." Well what was she supposed to say to that? "Of course he has, just not any in Konoha." Oh that was lame.

"Oh so Konoha girls aren't good enough for him?"

"Ino, I don't think Sakura meant it like that."

"Stop taking out Sasuke's problems on Sakura, she's not the boss of him."

"Shikamaru, why are you sticking up for Sakura?"

"How troublesome."

"Look, Sasuke isn't just interested in one-night stands." Oh god, why was she doing this? Sasuke would kill her if he found out she was discussing his innermost thoughts in public but she couldn't let them go around thinking he's gay. Even if, despite all his protests, he might be.

"SAKURA-CHAN!"

Sakura nearly fell off her seat in surprise as two Hokages appeared in front of her, eyes wide and frantic, jittering nervously around the bar but she doubted he saw much. Then again, she wasn't seeing too clearly right now either. Her head was kind of fuzzy and she was pretty sure Naruto didn't have a twin, unless he had brought a clone with him.

"Something wrong Narutos?"

"You gotta come quick, it's Sasuke!"

She jumped from her seat, panic already singing through her veins as the table fell silent and worry descended like a cloud over them putting a halt to their mindless bickering. "Oh god, is he hurt?" She needed to sober up quickly and-

"Huh? No, he's not hurt, but he's done something really stupid-"

Sakura flopped back into her seat. Che, well if he wasn't hurt she wasn't interested. Besides, it was Sasuke. He never did anything truly stupid, but if _Naruto _thought it was stupid... "What has he done now?"

Naruto's eyes darted around the table as he shifted from one foot to another. "Ano sa... ano..."

"Naruto, do you have to pee?" Ino finally asked, feeling uncomfortable as she watched the boy squirm.

Sakura groaned. "Naruto?" Oh please, Naruto was the Hokage and he couldn't even delegate time to go to the toilet? This was so embarrassing.

"I don't have to pee; I need to talk to Sakura-chan alone!"

"Regarding Sasuke?" Sakura prompted. When the blond nodded, she sighed heavily and slowly got to her feet once more, shooting the table a slightly apologetic look but she paid no heed to their curious gazes. It was none of their business if Sasuke had done something stupid and sure enough, knowing how the Konoha grapevine worked, they'd hear about it later.

She followed Naruto out of the bar and into the cool evening streets of Konoha. She wobbled precariously when her slightly energetic friend nudged her as they walked and a grumble of displeasure passed her lips. "Now... what has Sasu-chan done?"

Naruto snickered. "Sasu-chan... hehe, that will never die."

"Mm-hmm, Naru-chan-"

"Aw Sakura-chan! Don't be mean." The boy/man pouted as he kicked a pebble out of his way. "Sasuke came to see me five minutes ago and he told me to tell the council they can do what they want with his estate."

"Ok... so what part of that is- Wait, they can do what they want? But they want to level it! What is he thinking? Why did he say that? What did you say to him?"

"Sak-ura-chan-stop-shak-ing-me!"

"Che." She muttered, releasing the Hokage and allowing him to slump to ground, eyes swirling vacuously. "Naruto, what else did Sasuke say?"

"Ow... my head hurts."

"Stop whining, my head hurts too and you don't hear me complaining. Now why did Sasuke say that?"

"He never said, he just told me to let the Council do what they want and to leave him alone."

She sighed heavily. **Well great, just great! What does Sasuke plan to live in now? Where is he going to put all his children? Shannaro! This guy is really getting on my nerves. Let's pummel him!**

Yeah, pummelling Sasuke was right up there on her to-do list, right after stealing Tsunade-shishou's sake and Kakashi's porn... oh and committing suicide –though that's an illegal term due to some clause or whatnot but the symbolism makes sense. Trying to pummel Sasuke –or steal the sake and porn- would be the equivalent of killing yourself.

"Sakura-chan?"

"Oh alright, I'll go talk to him. Obviously, someone has to and it may as well be me since... hehe, I have a funny finger. I mean, ugh, never mind."

"Ah, maybe you should, you know, sober up first Sakura-chan."

"No no, I'm better off this way. I'm more articulatic, articulatededed... um," She paused and wrinkled her nose. Articulate, yeah that was the word. "Articulitited...ah screw it, I speak better when I'm slightly inibrited... inee... drunk."

"Ano sa... are you certain-"

"Naruto!"

"WAH! Iruka-sensei!"

"Naruto!"

_Heh, it's like a non-green version of Gai and Lee, _Sakura thought watching as her Academy teacher yelled at the taller Hokage, nostrils flaring and eyes wide as he yelled and yelled and yelled!

"Why aren't you in the Hokage tower? I told you Naruto, once you become the Hokage you have to blah, blah, blah."

Sakura watched the irate man rant on but the words meant nothing to her. With a sigh, she spun on her heel and marched up the street in the direction of Sasuke's apartment. She had something much more important to do. Like kick Sasuke's ass! And seriously, he deserved it. Why, oh why, did he have to be so stubborn? What was his problem regarding the female race anyway? If she didn't know better, she would think he was gay -and she only knew because Sasuke had been so vehement about this. But she was beginning to wonder. After all, he wasn't kissing any of the girls he dated. How could he not want to kiss any girls? There was no way any female was going to be satisfied with a husband who was only interested in sex, (and not hot, passionate I-need-you sex but cold clinical, wham, bam, thank you ma'am sex minus the thank you part.) If Sasuke thought that, he'd have another thing coming and he wondered why she thought AI would be a key part in the reconstruction of the clan. Che, the boy had no hormones.

It didn't take long to reach his apartment; the bar she'd been in being quite close to the building Sasuke had chosen to live in. A quick, -would have been quicker if her feet moved straight instead of carrying her into the wall and the railings- journey up the stairs, and she was meandering along the corridor towards his doorway. Before she even realized it, her hand was hammering on the door with enough force to make it shudder in the frame and she wondered for an instant if her inner persona had taken over.

"Sasuke!" Oh her poor head!

The door creaked open and her target/victim/disillusioned teammate appeared in the gap between it and the doorframe glowering down at her. "Don't break the door."

"Che, most people answer the door with a hello." She told him disgruntled, matching his ire with her own. So what if he had been asleep –with his hair all mussed and his obsidian eyes looking bleary and the smudges of heat along his cheekbones. Wait, he had just come from a date, why on earth was he sleeping? Surely he hadn't been so bored that he needed a nap... Oh god, Sasuke was worse than she thought.

"Hn." He grunted, moving aside and letting her in; if she had been sober and in a nicer mood, she might have fainted in shock but since she was slightly –only slightly- tipsy and annoyed, she just shoved her way past him and strode inside.

"We need to talk." _Right now before I lose what tiny amount of confidence I have-_

**Squee! Sasuke's so cute. **

Oh brother.

"What about?" He asked, moving into the kitchen and flicking the switch on the kettle.

**And domestic, why did we give up on him again?**

Turkey baster. Sakura reminded herself. We don't want to be inseminated with a turkey baster.

**Right. Ew. Stupid Sasuke's lack of a sex drive!**

"You!"

"Hn?"

"Yes you! Why did you tell Naruto he could let the council do what they want?! Do you know what that means? It means they're going to demolish the Uchiha complex, Sasuke. That means that you won't have anywhere to live but this apartment and you can't raise children in a one bedroom apartment!"

"I'm not going to raise children; that's why the Council can do what they want. I'm not playing their games."

"You didn't even try Sasuke. All you have to do is show an interest in a girl, take her out around Konoha, try to-"

"I did that." He replied pointedly, eyes dark in the gloom of the apartment.

"No, you just- I don't even know what to call what you did. It wasn't dating. How can you possibly know if you're attracted to any of those girls if you don't talk to them and having them introduce themselves is not talking to them."

"Hn. They're boring. They just want me for my money or my looks, it's unattractive."

**...Well at least he didn't call them annoying; that's progress, right?**

No it's not progress. "Well you just want them for a womb!" She retorted hotly.

This wasn't fair. Why was she the one who had to talk Sasuke into liking girls? Why was she helping him create a family that she'd always believed would be her own? She and Sasuke, Sasuke and Sakura, that was how it should be. Instead, she was proposing that he find himself a nice girl and settle down. Which was kind of unfair when you thought about it. Maybe Sasuke simply wasn't ready to settle down. Of course, he couldn't wait forever because he could die any day –no, he wouldn't die. Sasuke would live to a grand old age and die a natural death; with loads of grandchildren if she had any say in it.

"You're drunk."

"Yeah well you're emotionless. I guess neither of us is perfect."

He raised a brow then his ire seemed to drain from him and he turned to the kettle intent on making tea for them. At least she hoped he'd share some because she really would like something other than sake in her system.

"Do you really think girls are just after your looks and money?" She asked, sidling up to him and positioning her back to the counter.

The look he gave her made his answer obvious.

"Yeah well, once they see your personality, or lack thereof, they'll soon change their minds." She mused, not really trying to be offensive but it was kind of true. Sasuke had a god awful personality, one that certainly hadn't improved through the various trials that life had thrust upon him.

"Then why do you stick around?"

She opened her mouth to shoot back a flippant reply; then closed it. There was one good answer to that and she was certain that neither of them wanted to hear it. "Because, if I don't, you'll have no one." She let that sink in a moment before a wry grin curled her lips, "Unless you'd prefer I'd leave you alone with Naruto, but FYI, he's taken."

"I don't want the dobe." The reply was quick and sullen and nearly made her laugh. He was so defensive about his sexuality.

"Well you're incredibly touchy-feely with him."

She could have doubled over laughing at his expression of horror mixing with pure revulsion. "He's..." A hand lifted as he struggled to convey his thoughts and disgust. "I kick his ass."

God he was so cute, it made teasing him an absolute compulsion, something she'd never really had a chance to do much before that incident in the bar. "Which is also a way to resolve sexual tension. Admit it Sasuke, you'll feel so much better."

Sasuke dropped his head back with an audible sigh of exasperation. "This is impossible."

"You're right. Unless one of you can divine a way to produce a womb in the sexy-no-jutsu, it will be impossible for you to rebuild your clan. You might have to just give him up."

"That's not what I meant." He groaned lifting a hand to his brow. Maybe he was getting a headache, she thought, her own sympathy stirring. She hated nagging him like this, but she didn't know how else to get through to him. He was one of her most important people, she wanted him to be happy.

"Well it's what people think. I had to convince the guys today that you weren't gay. Seriously, Sasuke, you have to show some sort of interest in girls, make yourself more emotionally available if you want to become the great dad I know you will be." She stepped forward, resting a hand on his firm arm, drawing his attention to her. "Look, just try going on a date with one of the girls in Konoha, not a thirty second thing but maybe an hour and see how that goes."

"I don't _like_ those girls. I'm not going to pretend to." He all but growled and she bristled.

"Then what kind of girl do you like?!"

He shrugged off her hand, drew himself to his full height, opened his mouth to shoot back a reply and froze. Just went still. If she hadn't been standing so close that she could feel his breath stirring her hair she would have wondered if he was still alive. He was breathing though, just a little too fast and his eyes were becoming a little wild. Concern filled her, oh god, was he sick? Was he coming down with a fever?

"Sasuke?" She lifted her hand to test his forehead and flinched when he cringed back.

"I've got to go." He said in a quick rush, brushing past her and striding rapidly to the door.

"Huh? But Sasuke-"

"I'll see you later."

"Sasuke – This is _your_ house!" She threw her hands up into the air, completely baffled by his sudden loss of composure.

He paused, then stopped fully but didn't turn to her. "You have to go."

She did? "I do... oh..." What had she done now? She was only trying to help, didn't he know that? God it was just like when they were genin all over again. Oh no, did he think she was still in love with him? Because she wasn't, it was just taking a little time to wean herself off of him. Well she'd just have to prove him wrong. "No wait, hold on. We haven't solved anything. Are you going to try- well that's just very nice. Sasuke? Sasuke." She exhaled loudly and ventured forward. "Sasuke-kun? ...ass."

How could he just leave her? He didn't even give her any warning, well besides the part where he told her he had to go but still, he didn't even leave by the door. He just dived out the window. At least she figured that was what he had done, he moved so fast that one minute he was there and the next... _poof_! "Well, at least he didn't knock me out again. That's progress... I think."

* * *

Well, Sakura wondered, what did she do now? Sasuke was gone and there was no certainty that he would return that night. Then again, there was nowhere else he could go, he wouldn't go to Naruto's but he could just as easily be stubborn enough to sleep in a tree for the night. It probably wouldn't be the first time he had done it.

She sighed and slumped against the counter behind her. Having rummaged through his cupboards –which she was certain he would notice and wouldn't be impressed with but honestly, when else would she get to indulge her curiosity- and looked around the apartment, she couldn't think of anything else she could do other than leave. But if she left, that would be like admitting defeat and having looked around his apartment, it just made her wonder why he didn't want his old home back.

Sure, he had his problems with his clan and his nightmares from that night so long ago but he could do something about that. He could choose to live somewhere else; he could even knock down the old home and build a new one. Just because he... she shook her head.

Who was she to tell Sasuke what he should do when she couldn't possibly fathom what he thought or felt. She had never had the world yanked out from under her; she lost a boy she cared about so deeply that his betrayal hurt the very core of her but he hadn't belonged to her and he hadn't died. She had lost patients who had depended on her but while that made her heart hurt, she moved on, she dealt with it and the knowledge that she did everything she could. She lived in fear for a long time that someone would come in the dead of night and steal her best friend from right under her nose and kill him but it hadn't happened. She couldn't possibly understand Sasuke's feelings. Why was she even trying to tell him what he should do? It was his choice. It was up to him when and even if he wanted to have children. She was just being annoying again.

She snorted quietly as she pushed away from the counter. She would just go home and hopefully Sasuke would be at the training ground the next morning and maybe he would forgive her childishness. Maybe. She hoped so. Despite everything she'd said to him and the embarrassment it had caused her, she still felt as though somehow she had grown closer to her one time She could talk to him so easily now and tease him, she thought with a small smile. Maybe someday they could even be friends, someone each was comfortable enough to be with without conversing with each other. She wanted that. She wanted that so much; to just be with Sasuke and not have to wonder what he was thinking or whether he wanted her to go away.

She crossed to the front door, and sweeping one last longing look around the apartment, she mustered up a smile and opened the door only to find herself flying backwards and landing on her bottom.

"Ow."

"You're alive!"

Oh she recognized that voice! "Ino-pig! Get off!"

"Ino, you're squashing her." And that voice belonged to Tenten. What were they doing here?

Sakura scowled and shoved the lithe blonde off her, before scrambling to her feet and dusting herself down as the Ino stood up, rounding on the brunette in the doorway.

"Are you saying I'm fat?"

Another brunette popped up from behind the weapon's mistress. "Oh no, Ino... I'm, I mean, I don't think... that is, I'm sure Tenten-san didn't mean it... like that."

"Well it sure sounded like that. Squashing Sakura, pah! She's more likely to squash me!"

Sakura felt her ire rise. "Ino-PIG!"

"Hold on Sakura, me and Tenten have a few things to sort out. I'll have you know, Tenten, that I am the exact, correct weight for my height."

"I'm sure you are, but you didn't have to throw yourself on top of Sakura! You could have hurt her."

"I was just happy to see she was alive! Jeez!"

Sakura pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head quickly. She was so not in the mood to deal with this. "Why wouldn't I be alive?"

"Ino, here, thought Sasuke killed you."

"WHAT?! Ino, how could you think that? What on earth would make you think that Sasuke would kill me?"

"Because we heard loads of shouting and then Sasuke jumped out of the window like he was being chased by an Oni!"

"So shouting and Sasuke jumping out a window immediately makes you think he killed me?"

"Well you know how Sasuke is when he's annoyed. He becomes violent and that whole curse seal thing... I mean, if he didn't jump your bones, I figured he'd kill you accidentally because if you two were making whoopee, then he would have no call to flee unless... you jumped him! Oh my god, that's it, isn't it? You jumped Sasuke and he freaked out because he's gay."

"So Sasuke is not only a murderer but also gay and wants to jump me when he's annoyed? Ino, you're making little to no sense. Tenten, why don't you explain. Starting from the beginning... a killer or gay. Kami."

Tenten chuckled softly. "Well, do you want to hear this story inside or are we walking you home?"

"Well, come on in. If we go outside, you never know who could overhear. I doubt Sasuke's going to be back anytime soon. I think I might have pissed him off."

"Doubt it. You're alive."

"Ino..." Sakura sighed and walked back into the kitchen. "What's your obsession with Sasuke killing me?"

"She's trying to make the point that Sasuke tolerates you. She's been upset since the 'date' didn't go well."

"That's not my fault Ino, well it kind of is. I guess I should start from the beginning but I don't want any of this to get out to anyone else, got that? I don't want any of you to tell anyone. Promise?"

"Sure, we'll do a _Pinky_ swear. You're favorite kind."

"I hate you."

"Guys!" Tenten yelled over the bickering, "I want to hear the story. Are we starting at the night you told Sasuke you never wanted to have his babies because I really want to know what made you tell him?"

"Yeah why were you getting drunk anyway?" Ino demanded, dropping into a chair and marvelling at how clean the apartment was. "I mean, it was midday and during the week, you usually save that behaviour for the weekends when you know we'll be with you to remind you of every stupid thing you did. Like dancing on the bar and throwing yourself off the stage and stage diving off that apartment roof and telling Sasuke you don't want to marry him."

"Shut up, Ino-Pig!"

Hinata moved to the kettle and began to boil some water, making Sakura extremely glad she'd come. Hinata was such a little homemaker and her brand of comfort was just needed right now when Ino was being especially bratty. Tenten acted as the buffer between them but Hinata was the soothing presence, sweeping in to calm everything down with her soft voice and perfect elocution.

"I was in the bar because of a patient." Sakura finally spoke up. "There's this girl, not much older than us and she's really sweet and kind and smart. She's really beautiful too, pregnant and completely, head over heels in love with her partner." With a sigh, Sakura studied the cup before her while Hinata set about fixing the table for their impromptu tea party. Who knew Sasuke would have such great china?

"Ok, so what happened to her to put you in such a state? Did she lose the baby? Die?"

"No, not exactly." Sakura mustered up a smile, but it was wane and clearly forced. "She's been my patient for a while now, at first it was just minor things, a bruise here and there, she was clumsy and fell a lot. Then it became more serious, a sprained wrist, a bump to the head, concussion and torn ligaments. Then one day she came in with a broken arm, the break was clean, snapped straight through as though it were a twig. I healed her and listened to her talk about her upcoming wedding to her boyfriend and all the time I was thinking, is he the one who did this? She's not a ninja so that amount of damage was unbelievable for just one person, even if she was clumsy and the extent of the injuries, it just didn't make sense for it to be anything but someone else hurting her. And she's just sitting there, chattering away about how exciting it is and how the wedding robes look."

"Did you report it to Anbu?"

"Che, yeah right, Ino. You know Anbu don't get involved with domestic problems. It makes them queasy and Tsunade-shishou couldn't do anything without proof and even then, unless the girl went to her, there wasn't anything she could do. Same for me."

"So what did you do?"

"I guess the pressure finally got too much when she lost the baby due to some internal injuries from 'falling down the stairs' and she broke down and told me everything he'd done. He would hit her for minor things like not having his dinner ready or for putting his shirt in the wash without his permission. Silly things really, the kind couples argue about sure, but never attack each other over. And I really thought that losing the baby was the wake up call. I really believed that and I was glad because she had escaped before the wedding."

"But she didn't escape, did she?" Tenten realized quietly, as Hinata dabbed at her eyes.

"She left him for four days and then she ran back to him, pleading for forgiveness. I heard about it from a neighbour and when I went round to ask her why, I found her with a makeshift sling around her arm, which was broken. She wouldn't let me heal it in case he found out I had visited and she wasn't allowed to go to the hospital anymore. The worst thing was that when I asked her why, she said it was because she loved him and couldn't live without him. And it made me think, do I really want to be in a relationship like that? She's not that different from me, I would have done anything to be with Sasuke. Anything because I loved him so much and if I had a chance to be with him..."

"You're not like her Sakura, you're strong and smart and you'd never let a guy rule your life like that."

"Not to mention that if Sasuke ever hit you, you'd hit him back twice as hard... and then wash the toilet with his toothbrush and put cayenne pepper in his underclothes."

Sakura let out a watery laugh. Poor Shikamaru.

"But Sakura-chan... Sasuke-san, ano, he-he wouldn't hurt you-"

"Not physically Hinata, no, I know he wouldn't but..."

"But not all hurts are physical." Tenten finished, finally understanding what Sakura was saying. "Sasuke could neglect you, insult you, cheat on you because he doesn't love you and you think you'd take it all because you love him."

"It's stupid I know, but I couldn't help comparing myself to that girl. She adored her boyfriend so much and he treated her like crap because he didn't feel the same way. I never want to be in that situation and why should I be? If there's a person out there for everyone, why shouldn't I find mine? It's obviously not Sasuke, it's not fair that I should feel this way and for him not to, so therefore I've realised that this is just infatuation and I'll get over it. Especially now that I'm getting to know him as a person and not as an image."

Tenten's brow crinkled in that tell-tale way that meant that she was about to point out a key flaw in the plan. Sakura knew that Neji hated that look and she was beginning to realize why.

"Sakura, who are you trying to convince? Us or yourself."

"I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything. I'm simply trying to find a way to move on. Maybe I should leave the village."

"How did Sasuke take your announcement?" Ino queried as Hinata poured more tea. It was something Sakura realized the girl did when she was thinking. She would do idle chores and listen silently before adding in her own opinion, which was usually more valuable than Ino's 2 Ryo.

"Considering I thought I was talking to Sai, he took it very well. He called me annoying and I left."

"And you- you haven't t-talked to him... since?"

"I did. He was drunk at the time so I don't really know how much he remembers." If he did remember, he was more than likely going to actively work to forget the majority of the conversation, including the stripping comment of Naruto's and the moment where Gai and Lee showed up, not to mention when little Sasuke popped his head up. Yeah Sasuke would definitely have blocked that from his mind.

Something occurred to her and she frowned. "Why are you girls here anyway?"

"Oh we were talking to Naruto and he said you had come here and that you looked really mad and so we followed and heard the shouting and I thought Sasuke had killed you, left the body and fled. It seemed like a Sasuke thing to do."

"What, kill someone and jump out a window?" Sakura shook her head. When had Sasuke killed anyone; that Ino knew of anyway.

"After he flame-grilled your body, yes."

"Sasuke wouldn't kill me, not over something so stupid as me yelling at him."

"Why, why were you yelling at him, Sakura-chan?" Hinata's soft voice inquired as she studied her over the rim of her cup.

"Of course Sasuke-kun wouldn't kill you," Ino butted in loudly, ignoring Hinata or not hearing her, Sakura was never sure, "the guy likes you. It's so obvious. I mean he tolerates you over every other girl and I bet you he compares every girl he meets to you-"

"Sakura-chan, I've got a great idea! Let's stick Sasuke in a kissing booth; that way he has to kiss girls!"

Sakura and the others, -bar Hinata-, jumped out of their skin with a short scream, at the appearance of the loud blond Hokage.

Ino's brow furrowed as she deciphered Naruto's words. "Why doesn't Sasuke want to... oh my god, Sasuke really is gay!"

Sakura dropped her forehead to the table repeatedly. She had just about the weirdest, strangest friends imaginable and Sasuke... well Sasuke was never going to forgive her. Ever. She might as well just leave the village and she was never drinking again.

* * *

**A.N.** Honestly, I'm not as happy with this installment as I was with the other two, maybe it's the lack of Sasuke but more than likely it's the lack of humor. Anyways, please, please review and give me your opinions, they really inspire me to write more. I figure I have one more installment left and that'll be from Sasuke's point of view and then there'll be the epilogue... though finding inspiration isn't easy ever since the new storyline of Kishimoto's came to light. On saying that, I have a new idea for a different series of crack one-shots for Sakura and Sasuke. So hopefully I'll get time to write that soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto or the characters I use in this story.

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**Warning**: May content sexual innuendo and comments towards Sasuke's sexuality in the nicest possible way of course.

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**Chapter Four - Embryonic Destroyer **

**By**: Zadien

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Sasuke stood overlooking the village before him with a small frown marring his usually smooth expression. There wasn't anything exciting going on in town, in fact since the end of Akatsuki and Madara's rotten plans to wage war on Konoha, the Fire Country had been living in relative peace. For the most part, the lack of battles and missions felt suffocating to him; like being stuck inside a room with no air, no escape, and no space to move. He hated it. It was driving him up the wall. It didn't help that Sakura and Naruto felt the need to involve themselves in his life to the extent that he seemed to have no escape from them. He didn't care if they were trying to be his friend; he didn't care for their way of caring for him. He didn't need them. He had a family who loved him completely once, he didn't need these phony replacements.

His expression dark, he leaned back against the tree trunk and twirled his favorite brand of shuriken around his finger thoughtfully. Life had been so simple just two weeks ago. He woke up, trained, took a break, talked with Kakashi and Naruto about the chance of building up the Konoha Military Police once more, a trip to the bar for lunch, then more training and sleep. Sometimes there was the odd mission thrown in for some spontaneity but his life was relatively simple for a shinobi of his caliber. He had in a way embraced that simplicity after not having a home to call his own for so long and yet, after his talk with Sakura, he was beginning to feel as though he was conning himself. He wasn't as happy in Konoha as he'd thought.

His apartment was hardly a home. It was a place where he slept, ate and rested but it wasn't a home. Not like the Uchiha mansion where he had spent the first eight years of his life. Even knowing what he did now, he realized it would never be the same but he had been content with that. Now he felt uncomfortable in his own home. He found himself yearning for something he didn't truly understand and he hated it. He despised the fact that his world was being turned upside down and all because of an annoying pink haired medic. A girl he had barely noticed when he had been twelve and one who he couldn't seem to remove from his thoughts.

He let his head fall back against the rough bark of the tree trunk, feeling the craggy bits of wood catching in his hair.

"_What kind of girl do you like?"_ The words echoed and circled through his mind endlessly. What he wouldn't give to throw himself head long into battle but Naruto was nowhere to be found and the members of the Rookie nine that he could tolerate had been in the bar earlier. He could be described as a vicious fighter but he wasn't a heartless one to take advantage of an inebriated idiot.

"_What kind of girl do you like?"_

He bit back a groan, finding himself instantly transported back to that moment in his darkened kitchen, in front of the window over the sink. The lamp light from the street seeped in through the glass faintly illuminating the girl before him. The green eyes that once been so soft and compassionate around him were now glowing with frustration and her small, pert mouth was pursed as she glared up at him, hands fisted on the soft swell of her thighs.

"_Well, what kind of girl do you like?!"_

His lips curled in a grimace as he thought about the answer that had almost spilled out of his mouth in that moment of heated tension. Part of him was sadistic enough to want to see her reaction had he said it but the other part, the one that held control over him had frozen his tongue. Self preservation had urged him out of the room. He had to leave before he said anything that would damn him for eternity because the weight of his answer couldn't be tolerated. Not after everything that had happened between them because the answer had been simple, natural and wrong. So unbelievably –_right_- wrong.

Because the answer had been her. He wanted her.

Well someone like her; not actually Sakura, he assured himself. That was a can of worms he just wasn't planning on ever opening. They had too much history and it was too complex to be considered. Besides, he liked their relationship now. It was... better than it had been before. Even if she was still interfering in his life and trying to marry him off to the next girl who took an interest in him while insinuating he was gay. Che, why did he want someone like her anyway? He was better off on his own, he reaffirmed.

In the distance, a rumble of thunder echoed throughout the clouds as he listened to the growing hiss of rain. He looked up as the first drops hit him and he tilted his face to catch the falling beads of water. They spattered against his skin and their steady rhythmic patter soon soaked him and the streets below, leaving a thin film of liquid.

Throughout the town, the lights began to glow brighter through the hazy sheet of pelting rain that covered the village. The dark clouds were outlined by the moon light trying to peek through the thinner breaks. Another low growl gathered ferocity and shimmered over the town ominously.

Sasuke empathized with the weather. It suited his mood and his desire to be alone. In the rain, he felt as though he was the only one in the village but the small squares of light told him that civilization was near if he ever needed it. It had always been like that, someone had always been there if he needed them. He never did. At least, that's what he told himself.

A sound caught his attention and a flicker of irritation swept over his expressionless face as his dark as ebony eyes dropped to the two figures racing through the rain. A soft feminine giggle teased his ears and his stomach clenched in reaction before dropping. It wasn't Sakura. Just another member of her elusive species. He was stupid to think otherwise.

The couple, both around his own age, were racing through the streets, the male dragging the female by the hand as they weaved and jumped around and over puddles. He watched them as they passed underneath him, unaware of his presence. Civilians, he thought with disgust. They would forever need protecting because they couldn't, wouldn't protect themselves. Sometimes he wondered why he bothered with the idea of reinstating the Konoha Military Police. Maybe the civilians should try protecting themselves for a change, instead of relying on the ninja's and then daring to criticize them for not behaving as they'd like. They had no idea what a shinobi did. They had no idea what a shinobi put themselves through to be the first and last line of defence for their village. After all, look how they treated Naruto, he thought with a sneer. Naruto could have been the biggest dobe in the history of Konoha, but he was the best damn Hokage they would ever have. He would never kowtow to the Councils desires. He would do what he thought was right, he would act according to his Ninja way.

Another giggle cut through his thoughts echoed by a deeper male chuckle and Sasuke rolled his eyes. He should leave but he had been here first. It shouldn't take long for them to get inside their home. It had to be close if they were on foot. He snorted softly as he watched the couple reach a door and stop before it, the girl twisting the strap of her bag between her fingers nervously as she swayed softly before the young man. Even without his Sharingan he was able to make out the man bending over her a little, his hand caress the girls cheek with infinite tenderness.

Sasuke glowered at them. Could they not do this inside? After all, the street was hardly a private place to be having this kind of interlude? He shifted grumpily and folded his arms before him, loosely running his thumb over the edge of his shuriken.

More murmured conversation occurred and it seemed as though both were reluctant to go inside as the girl rested her back against the door and tilted her face up to the male. His hand was braced above her as he inched his body closer to hers; still retaining some measure of propriety.

_Just finish it already_, Sasuke rolled his eyes. How long did it take to say goodbye? If they continued, both would be sick with the cold but as civilians this would never occur to them. They would probably just crawl into bed and call in sick to work. Pathetic.

His fist clenched as the boy dipped lower and it was pretty obvious to Sasuke what was going on as the girl rose onto her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around the boy's neck.

He should just go but where would he go? It was Friday night. Every bar would be packed with shinobi looking for some friendly chat and a chance to unwind. Not to mention women. More like succubae. He wasn't in the mood to be pawed at. He couldn't go to his apartment. Sakura could be there and he couldn't face her, not yet.

This had been his safe haven and this couple was intruding. He had been here first. He'd given them enough time. If they wouldn't go inside; he'd make them go inside. Without a thought, he flicked his hand back and sent the shuriken spinning silently through the air just as the couple parted. The next sound was a 'twack' followed by a sharp high pitched shriek and an even more feminine scream. It was hard to tell which one made which noise but the fact that the man screamed like a girl made Sasuke smirk. The couple stared at each other for a moment, mouths agape as their eyes flicked to the shuriken embedded in the door precisely between their faces. A half a second before and it would have sliced neatly through their tongues and lips. The idea satisfied the sick, twisted part of him and the idea made him turn away and flee before the couple saw him.

He leapt over the rooftops and tree branches towards the old team seven training ground. With Naruto busy either with Hokage work or building a nest with Hinata, and Sakura holed up in his apartment, it was very likely that the training ground would now be empty. Then again, it was the first place the two would check if they did decide to come looking for him. That gave him pause for thought. He wasn't in the right frame of mind to deal with Sakura today.

Playing by the council's rules and trying to be civilized always put him in a bad mood. He just wanted to be left alone. Why couldn't they ever understand that? All he wanted to do was be a shinobi, do missions, protect his village and die. That was it. His great goal in life was to die. He wasn't like the other Shinobi's. Life didn't hold an appeal to him. He barely felt anything at the best of times, the only time he felt was when he was fighting Naruto, killing the enemy and more recently, bickering with Sakura. She just frustrated him so much. How could someone be so smart and still so damn stupid and stubborn to boot?!

The only reason he hadn't ended it all before was because having lost people he cared about, he couldn't do the same to the people that cared about him.

As for his goal to build a family, _tch_, that was dead in the water. He wasn't cut out to be a husband or a father. What kind of one would he be? He could barely stand anyone. He couldn't imagine sharing a house with a woman, sharing a bed... he sighed. No that wasn't the problem. If he wanted a wife, if he found someone that could be his wife then he wanted to do it properly. He wanted to be able to share his home, his bed and his life with her. He wouldn't subject his children to a loveless home just so that he could continue the Uchiha line.

He had always chased after what he wanted but he had done that because he had known what he wanted. He wanted power, so he went to Orochimaru and got it. He wanted Itachi dead so he chased after Itachi and killed him. He wanted a wife and a family, but how could he get it? Where did he find that one person he would be able to stand long enough to raise children with? Who was she?

Sakura.

He closed his eyes tight and dug his fingers into the trunk of the tree he was standing in to catch his balance. His breath came in short spurts. He swallowed hard and rested his forehead against the rough bark.

No, not Sakura. It couldn't be Sakura. For one, she didn't want him. For another, she deserved so much better than him. She deserved someone who cared about her and no other. She deserved someone who respected her and what she did each and every day at the hospital and out in the field.

She deserved anyone but him.

A blur of movement from his left had him stilling and hiding his chakra instinctively but he relaxed as he caught the flash of white ceramic. Anbu.

He watched the two blurs race over the rooftop, curiously wondering just which Shinobi it was. One of them was definitely Neji, he realized half a second later. He knew that Shinobi's movements almost as well as he knew his own. As he began to follow them with his eyes, a flare of panic ignited in his mind. They were going towards the hospital.

Sakura.

He was already moving towards the next rooftop when he forced himself to stop and think properly. Sakura was off tonight. She was in his apartment waiting for him so she could lecture him and show him more females that would be so 'perfect' for him. She wasn't at the hospital.

And yet... he couldn't shake that niggle of doubt and those finely honed instincts had been the reason he had survived his exile from Konoha. They had never lied to him before and they weren't likely to now. If a part of him thought Sakura was in trouble then it was likely that she was.

But she was at his apartment, another part, the cold, logical part of him argued.

Sakura was a medic-nin. She was always on call. She never said no when she was summoned. The hot tempered, easily riled part of him snapped sardonically.

He sighed. He'd check his apartment just to be safe. No point going to the hospital when the Anbu were already there. They'd take care of any trouble and Sakura could defend herself anyway – if she was there.

* * *

She hadn't been there and by the time he had arrived at the hospital, everything had been calm. He had just been in time to see one Anbu frog march/half drag a slumped man from the building while a few startled nurses looked on, clad in their pristine white uniforms. A second later Neji, dressed in his Anbu uniform had walked out accompanied by a pissed off looking Sakura who was muttering under her breath, shooting dark looks at the man while massaging her bruised fist.

Neji had said something to her that made her lips quirk in sardonic amusement as the prisoner glared back at her and mouthed a crude insult directed solely at her. Sasuke had watched as Sakura's dark amusement deepened and she idly pressed her fist into her open palm in a quiet threat. Obviously, a patient or a visitor had become irate and judging by the Hokage monument sized lump rising from the man's jaw, Sakura had decided to diffuse the situation with her fist.

Despite everything, Sasuke hadn't been able to curb the amusement and indeed the pride, he felt at watching her calmly stare down the man. And then after exchanging a few more words with Neji, during which her temper eased, she uttered a sharp order to the nurses, turned on her heel and headed back inside, making a big show of sashaying into the building. Or, at least, it looked as if she was swaying her hips more than usual, almost as though she were taunting the man for being beat up by a girl. That had nearly made him smile. Since she was safe enough and he was not needed, he had left.

That was almost two hours ago. When he had left, he had roamed around aimlessly for another hour or so before he decided to go to one of his regular haunts: a small tavern around the corner from the weapon shop, down a small, narrow alley. The bar was run by a gruff man who had no problem hauling ninja and civilians alike by the scruff of their necks and throwing them out the door. Sasuke liked the place. It was usually quiet, even on a Friday night and most of the people who came here, didn't come for the conversation or the entertainment. People came here to drown their troubles. Sasuke came here to be anonymous or as anonymous as he could ever be.

He took another gulp of his sake and set the cup down. What was he doing with his life? Since when did the answer to his problems seem to be at the bottom of a bottle?

"You look as shit as I feel."

He felt a funny flutter in his chest and he automatically lifted a hand to it as he glanced up in shock at his addresser. "Sakura."

"Sasuke." She replied glibly before motioning her hand to the empty seat beside him. "Mind if I sit?"

He jerked a shoulder but said nothing. If he did mind, he'd leave. They both knew he never stood on ceremony or civility.

She mustered up a tired smile before dropping down onto the small wooden stool, slumping forward as she did and resting her chin in her hands as though her head were too heavy for her neck to hold by itself.

"You ok?" The words were out before he could even think of them and he bit his tongue. Even Sakura looked surprised by his question before her eyes softened just a little.

"I'm fine, Sasuke. You?"

"Hn." Of course, he was fine.

She chuckled quietly before beginning to laugh loudly, leaning back in her seat only to wobble precariously. He cursed quietly and caught her by placing a hand on her lower back, ignoring the heat emanating from her body. She snickered softly and sobered with a sigh and a soft smile. "Sorry."

He frowned at her, peeking at her from under his bangs. She looked wrecked. Dark bags under her eyes, her skin was sheet white and her posture was completely wrong. He rolled his eyes in annoyance. When would she learn how to take care of herself?

His eyes narrowed on her and his nose twitched subtly. "You've been drinking." He accused quietly.

She snorted softly. "A little." She admitted. "It was a rough day."

"You were fine earlier."

"Yeah, like you noticed." She bit out and his eyes narrowed on her. He was still getting used to this Sakura who snapped and growled at him. It just showed just how much she had changed since he had left Konoha in search of Itachi.

She exhaled loudly beside him and he watched as the bitterness melted from her. She turned her head to look at him and she smiled wearily. "Sorry, Sasuke. I'm just tired. I had to go into the hospital."

"You were drinking."

"I have a sobering up jutsu. I wasn't on call, it was an emergency. Otherwise I wouldn't have been drinking." Her tone went quiet and he wondered what the emergency had been. Did it have something to do with that man? Possibly. Then again, with so many people out indulging and partaking of alcohol on a Friday night, it wasn't unusual for a few brawls to break out even at the hospital. Sakura was constantly saying that she wanted danger money for the nurses. The medics, she often said, could take care of themselves. They were, after all, ninja's themselves.

"What about you?" She suddenly asked.

"Me?"

"Yeah you. One minute you're drunk, the next minute you're sober. I was always curious how you handle your drink so well."

He grunted to fight off a smirk. How typical that she'd notice something like that. "You don't think I'd have picked up a few tricks of my own?" He shook his head as she tilted her head curiously. "Orochimaru liked to get his underlings drunk."

Her eyes rounded. "Oh god, Sasuke. Did he- I mean, did he ever... you know?"

"Idiot. No. He liked to get them drunk so they'd confide in him. Orochimaru liked to know everything about everyone. It made them easier to manipulate."

"He did like his manipulations."

"Why do you and Naruto always insinuate things like that?"

"What are we meant to think? I was in the forest of death with you. I saw how he looked at you."

"Since you were just standing there." Again the words were out before he could stop them.

Her face closed down. "You're such a bastard sometimes Sasuke. I was just trying to talk to you." She took another gulp from her bottle. "I know I wasn't strong, ok? I know I never fought my fair share in the battles and that you and Naruto always had to rescue me but I didn't have any special talents so I made use of what I had and that was my brain."

"Sakura." He sighed. He didn't want to fight with her. He just wanted a quiet drink and then he'd find a place to stay for the night and go train the next morning. He didn't want to stir up old wounds. But right now, he didn't seem to have power over his thoughts. Usually he had more control when he was drinking.

"No. I get it. You still think I'm weak. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger but I didn't really understand what being a shinobi was. How could I? My parents weren't ninjas like everyone else's. I just saw Ino going for it and thought it sounded really exciting. I don't regret it but... I regret not training more and letting you go with Orochimaru."

"You tried to stop me." He reminded her quietly, keeping his eyes glued on the drink in front of him.

"Fat lot of good it did." She took another drink and slumped forward, tipping the glass to slosh the liquid around. She shook her head slowly. "Never mind. It's not good to go digging through the past."

What's past is prologue, he thought drily. "We all had our own paths."

"You don't regret what you did." It wasn't a question but almost as if she had finally answered one for herself.

He didn't respond. He didn't regret what he had done. He had become stronger and he wouldn't have gained that strength in Konoha. It made sense. Naruto was trained by Jiraiya, Sakura by Tsunade –and personally that had surprised him but in a good way; he was proud she was finally doing something- so it was only natural that he, the last member of Team seven, should be trained by the other sannin, Orochimaru. If he hadn't left, who would have trained him? Kakashi? Well he knew everything Kakashi had to teach him. Ebisu-sensei? He bit back a shudder. Yeah, definitely not.

"Um, I'm sorry. About earlier." He looked at her blankly. What was she apologizing for? Earlier? That wasn't her fault. "About mothering you. I know you don't need it. Sometimes I just speak without thinking."

"Sakura."

"No, Sasuke let me get this out of my system. You've taken care of yourself forever so you don't need me butting in now and telling you what you should do and not do. It was silly of me and-"

"Sakura, it's fine." He muttered. It wasn't as if he cared. She could do what she wanted. He'd do what he wanted. It worked out fine. It's not as if he felt compelled to do what she said. She could advise him all she wanted. It was his choice whether or not he listened.

"But-" he pinned her with a look and she muffled a sigh, sipping her drink contemplatively.

"I noticed there was some trouble over at the hospital." He said to break the silence, almost flinching when she narrowed her eyes at him. "I saw the Anbu heading there."

"Yeah well, I had a bit of trouble with a patient's husband."

"What kind of trouble?"

"Domestic abuse trouble." He quirked his brow. What had Sakura involved herself in now? "Oh don't look at me like that Sasuke. It was hardly my fault. He was angry and I got in the way."

His frown darkened. The way she phrased that made it sound as if the man had hit her. As his eyes scrutinized her face closely for the first time, he damned her ability to heal herself. "You threw yourself in the way more like." He growled. "It seems to be a trait of yours."

Her head shot up and her jade eyes flashed. "Hey, wait a minute. I have a right to protect my patients. She was defenseless and it's my duty-"

"And what's your justification for jumping in front of me all those times? Was I defenseless?!"

"Yeah, most of those times you were!" She snarled. "You always pushed yourself way beyond your limit and then you couldn't defend yourself. What did you expect me to do? Stand there and watch you get hurt? Like hell. I would have done the same for any one of my friends. It had nothing to do with how skilled or powerful you were. I cared about you so I protected you."

"You couldn't do anything, half the time you ended up in more trouble and someone always had to come along to your rescue. Me, Naruto, Lee, Shikamaru's whole damn team!"

Her eyes rounded in appalled shock before her mouth shut audibly. "Fuck you, Sasu-gay!"

With that as her final response, Sakura shoved herself to her feet, swaying a little as she got her bearings and clutching her bottle, she stumbled out of the bar and into the rain sodden streets outside. He watched the door swing shut with a snap and he turned away sullenly. Well fine, if she wanted to run away that was just fine. The hell he was going to chase after her. It was her fault. She always put herself in danger. Always. What did she think? That Prince Charming was going to come in on a white horse and save her? Life wasn't a fairy tale. It was time she woke up. She couldn't save everyone and one day there would be no one to save her.

He growled and emptied his glass down his throat, feeling the fierce burn of the alcohol as it coursed down inside him. Slamming the glass down on the counter hard enough to earn a glare from the bartender, he shot to his feet, knocking over the stool, and stalked to the door with a little more grace than Sakura. He wasn't chasing after her; no he was just making sure she didn't get into any more trouble.

* * *

When Sasuke had been twelve and he had been on missions with his teammates, it had always been easy to target the exact spot they'd chosen to position themselves. Naruto's chakra would flare like a never-ending pillar of flame while Sakura's would pulse less noticeably. Neither of them had the skill and foresight to cover their chakra when they were hiding and so finding him or her had never be a difficulty to Sasuke.

However, he wasn't twelve anymore and neither was Sakura. For all the trouble she had caused with her lack of ability, she certainly made up for it now since it took him a good half an hour to finally track her down in the Team seven training area. Obviously, it should have been the first place he checked but Sasuke hadn't been thinking like a girl but like nukenin. Someone who would always seek to cover his tracks when he was on the move. Sakura wouldn't think like that. Being in such an emotional state, she would just run to somewhere she felt comfortable and safe; and despite the late hour and the chilly pellets of rain, that place was their old clearing.

He dropped to the ground a few yards from her and peeled his wet bangs from his skin. His clothing felt heavy and weighed down with water and his outer body temperature was cool but that was probably nothing compared to Sakura who had always felt the cold more noticeably than either he or Naruto. Slowly he approached her, wary of any attempt on her part to flee.

She barely noticed his approach; too busy staring into the darkness over her knees which she'd pulled up to her chest so her chin could rest on them. She looked painfully vulnerable in that position and it annoyed him. She always looked like a wounded puppy when he lashed out at her; it frustrated him to no end. He had his demons; so of course, he wouldn't be the most congenial of people. He couldn't be mannerly like the Hyuuga or painfully blissful as the ex-root member or as naive as Naruto. His past hadn't allowed for any of that. She shouldn't react so badly when he snapped at her. It wasn't personal... much.

"Sakura. It's cold. Go home." There, that was nice.

She didn't shift her gaze to him nor did she show any signs of having heard his advice. Instead she took another sullenly quiet gulp from her sake bottle held loosely in her left hand. He frowned. That bottle looked strangely familiar; in fact the whole scene looked strangely familiar. Hadn't he been in the same position just a week ago?

"Sakura."

She was ignoring him. How childish. Part of him wanted to leave, if she didn't want to listen to him then why should he waste his time staying here? He could go back to his apartment, take a few sedatives and block out the world for a few hours. Why was he standing in the rain, soaked through and trying to talk to a girl who didn't want to know him?

_Ironic, _he mused. Ten years ago she had been in this position, now the table was turned and their roles reversed. He didn't like it. Not one bit.

"Sakura." He snapped, hoping the sharpness of his tone would wake her up.

She flinched but didn't still she refused to look at him. Well fine. He was a shinobi. He could play the waiting game. He slipped his hands into his pockets and wandered over to her, taking a seat at her side, underneath the shade of a large tree that shielded them from the worst of the rain, only letting through a few rather large drops of rain.

He reached for her bottle and his brows knitted when she held it tighter to herself. With a scowl, he gripped her wrist in one hand and pried off her fingers with the other, taking the bottle from her and taking a swallow himself. Oh yeah, he recognized that taste and the slow burn that centered deep inside him. Tsunade's best sake. Sakura must have a death wish.

"You stole from Tsunade?"

She glared at him, taking the bottle back from him. "So? I think I have more of a right to it than you do."

"She'll still kick your ass."

"I could probably take her." He quirked a brow surprised. Tsunade wasn't a push over, even if she was old. None of the Sannin were anything but strong. "Well I could if she didn't use her extra chakra. I'm only getting to grips with summoning my slugs now."

She was only learning that now? Naruto and he had learnt how to summon their creatures during their early teens and Sakura was only catching up now... it was the story of her life, he realized suddenly. How hard must that have been for her?

"Don't start Sasuke. I'm well aware of my failures and weaknesses."

He wanted to say something, something that could be construed as comforting but the simple fact was that if he said that she wasn't a failure or weak, then he'd be lying. She had been weak and she hadn't exactly been the star pupil of the Academy. Granted she had done better than Naruto and she did have her own strengths. But then again, she didn't have the advantages of some of the other kunoichi, he mused. She didn't have a kekkei-genkai or a particular jutsu to her name but she had never gone out of her way to make up for her weaknesses either. Not like Lee had.

"I hated being the weakest kunoichi. I didn't have Ino or Hinata's bloodline traits and I didn't have a particular skill like Tenten or Temari. I just have a really big forehead."

"You were good with genjutsu." He offered up helpfully, taking another swig of sake.

"Genjutsu, it's... it's a delusion. You just have to see through it. I still got caught a lot though."

Illusion, he mused, she meant illusion. "It's a learning curve. Being a shinobi is about learning from your mistakes, you got better." He'd heard someone say that once. He couldn't remember who. Maybe it was Iruka. "What happened at the hospital, Sakura?"

She sighed heavily and tilted her head back against the wet bark of the tree, the jagged edges catching at the fine strands of her hair. He looked away from her face abruptly. "I've been treating a patient lately, a girl around our own age who's married to this asshole. She worships the ground he walks on, he treats her like crap." Sasuke flinched. Now didn't that sound vaguely familiar? "He doesn't beat her but he hits her. There's not much of a difference, except that somehow I think the odd broken arm here and there is more systematic and cold, calculated even than a beating borne of rage. Whatever his motives, he's a bastard. He killed their child with his fists."

He looked at her shocked by the callous way she laid out the facts before looking out into the darkness. Of course she couldn't get emotionally involved. She was a medic, she probably had to deal with situations like this before in her life. She'd be invaluable to the Konoha Military Police, he mused before forcefully focusing on her again. He'd work out his recruitment drive later.

A Nara, A Hyuuga, Sai or any other artist... there had to be a better artist than the clone…

"He stopped her from coming to me lately; I guess he believed that I was trying to convince her to leave him."

"Were you?"

"In a way. It's not like I could force my opinions on her. It's up to her if she wants to leave him. Oh Sasuke, she has her whole life ahead of her and she's staying with him because she mistakenly believes that she can make him happy. I know she can't. He doesn't love her; she's just a convenience for him. Someone to keep him company in life, who'll never leave him. It's... it's sickening."

His stomach churned uncomfortably. Was that how she thought about him? That he just wanted someone for his own means? Yes, of course she did. She must have been treating that girl when he had seen her in the bar that lunchtime when she'd spilled her guts to 'Sai'. Against his will, his fingers shook.

"She was taken to the hospital tonight. It was serious, lacerations to the stomach, a broken rib and clavicle, a twisted ankle, some head trauma. A neighbor reported hearing some disturbing noises to Anbu but... well Anbu is busy with other things." She muttered wryly, shooting him a wan smile.

Yeah, he knew that. That's why he was setting up the Konoha Police. They took care of the village and its people.

"So the neighbor grabbed a friend who's a ninja and they went round to check on them. They found my patient lying at the bottom of the stairs. Unconscious and bleeding with the husband nowhere to be seen. I was summoned to take care of her because she wouldn't allow anyone else near her."

"And the husband turned up." Sasuke guessed. He had heard of situations like this, sometimes shinobi themselves were known to take out their frustrations and anger out on their civilian families. It reaffirmed his belief that he wanted a kunoichi as a wife, should anything ever drive him to attack his family. The idea sickened him but knowing his family, he felt it would be prudent to be prepared for all eventualities.

"Yes and he wasn't happy to see that 'whore'-" At Sasuke's sharp look, she chuckled mirthlessly. "Don't look so shocked Sasuke, I've heard worse."

She shouldn't have to hear things like that. She was in a profession dedicated to taking care of people; she shouldn't be insulted by them or attacked. He'd make a note to get Naruto to post more Chunin at the hospital until he could get the Police set up.

"After saying some inventive things, he tried to get to his wife through me."

He snorted softly. Yes, he could imagine that alright. Sakura was always good at getting in front of those she wanted to protect. Someday it was going to get her seriously hurt or even killed. "What did you do?"

"I sent him flying into a metal door and nearly out a wall. It was quite satisfying. He deserved it. I'm no one's whore." She tossed back another mouthful of sake and shuddered delicately beside him. "Anbu showed up shortly, Neji and some other guy. They'll hold him over night and then he'll be released because there's no one to present evidence. And she'll probably go back to him as soon she's released from the hospital. Which won't be for a while because I'm in charge of her release."

"You can't control everyone's lives Sakura. People have to make their own mistakes."

"And they can, just not while I'm in charge. She's being stupid and fine, she can be stupid Sasuke, just not when she's under my observation. I see enough needless deaths in my job due to people's mistakes, I'm not going to stand by and watch her offer herself up as some kind of martyr. Do you know what she said to me? She said that he only hits her when he's hurting inside and if it stops him from hurting inside, she'll take his pain." Her face darkened as she took another quick gulp from the sake bottle, two high spots of color appearing along her cheekbones.

He took the bottle from her and took a drink himself, his mind buzzing hotly. The girl sounded like Sakura, the old one who would do anything for him. That kind of devotion was dangerous.

A rumble of thunder growled loudly over them followed by a blinding flash of light causing Sakura to jump beside him.

"Come on," he stated, scrambling clumsily to his feet. He was half way to being drunk and the smart option would be to stop drinking but he just didn't feel like stopping. Not today.

"I like it here. It's quiet." Sakura muttered sulkily.

"I have your sake." He informed her, dangling it by the neck before her. "Come on. Shinobi rule 101, don't stand by a tree when there's lightning."

"That's not a shinobi rule."

"It should be. The Dobe almost got fried because he didn't know it."

She choked out an amused chuckle. "Kakashi-sensei can cut through lightning with his Lightning Blade." She informed him, and he raised a brow surprised. Kakashi had never told him that. "Gai told us during your battle with Gaara." She let out a bark of laughter. "God, the things you remember without realizing it."

Another flash of lightning, just a little too close for comfort and Sasuke motioned for her to get to her feet. "Come on, Sakura."

"Go ahead. I'll be fine."

He rolled his eyes. He may be half drunk but she was definitely further gone than he was. Without a word, he reached down and seized her by the sleeve of her red top. "Come on, Sakura." He tugged her and almost laughed when she fell forward with a grunt.

"Sasuke!" She snarled, scrambling to her feet, dusting down her shorts and scowling at the wet patches and the traces of mud on her knees. "You're such a jerk. Talk to Lee, maybe he can instill some sense of chivalry into you."

He jerked a shoulder. What did he want to be chivalrous for? Imagine the trouble he'd have with fangirls if he was actually nice? He made a face. Right now he'd settle for beating them off with a stick, literally. Damn Naruto and the others for making that illegal. There was actually a small note on one of the ninja Handbooks that said '**Sasuke Uchiha is forbidden from hitting or touching anyone of the female persuasion with any blunt or sharp object**." It was obvious that Naruto hadn't come up with the wording but Sasuke was nearly one hundred percent certain that the idea belonged solely to the idiot.

He stepped out from under the tree into the drizzling rain and glanced back for his female teammate, stumbling along behind him, muttering obscenities and threats under her breath.

"Ne, Sasuke-kun?" Sakura spoke up, voice soft and overly female but not irritating like Karin when she was being... weird. "Where are we going?"

"Home." He muttered, sending a quick glance up at the sky where the raindrops were still descending in a curtain of silver light.

* * *

By the time they reached the apartment, both of them were soaked through. Even as Sakura stepped through the front door, he was wondering why he'd invited her back –even though technically he hadn't actually said the words, it was sort of implied. He just hoped she didn't read anything into it. Some girls would but this would be a test of just how must Sakura had changed he decided, as he shirked his sandals and stepped into the kitchen to brew some tea.

Hearing no sound from behind, he took a quick look over his shoulder and frowned when he caught sight of Sakura shivering in the entrance. He sighed. They needed to get into dry clothes, even take a shower. This really would be a test, he mused. Had this been ten years ago, Sakura would have already been nosing around the apartment... then again, she'd probably done that already, he realized as he noted a few things out of place in his apartment. He quirked a brow at her and sighed as she took another swig of sake.

"I'll get you something to wear."

She frowned at him before shaking her head. "No need. I'll just head home."

"In your state? I don't think so."

"I'll be fine." She pouted. "I'm a kunoichi with noodles of talent."

She said noodles and the fact that she meant oodles told him she was definitely over her limit. "I'm not going back out in that rain to travel to the other side of Konoha. Just stay there Sakura, and don't get anything wet."

He felt more than saw her stick her tongue out and he knew that she was petty enough now to just sit on the furniture to annoy him. He'd just be quick. He entered his room and opened the closet he reserved for his clothes and groaned. None of these things would fit Sakura but then, he wasn't walking the whole way back to her apartment in the storm just to make sure she didn't fall and kill herself. Oh he'd find something just as soon as he got out of his own clothes. Picking out a few things, he shed his clothes as hurriedly as possible, keeping a wary eye on the door in case the old Sakura decided to re-emerge. He doubted it, after all, she seemed to have no interest in him now but it was better to be safe than sorry. The last thing he wanted was to be perved on.

After drawing the strings tight on a pair of loose black trousers he used for training, he tugged the hem of his black sleeveless shirt down over his waist and turned to study the wardrobe. She could wear one of his shirts but she'd need something under it. Even with drawstrings, her waist was too tiny to hold up his pants. Annoying girl. Did he have anything that would... a flash of white up on the top shelf caught his attention and he tugged them out. His old shorts, he'd forgotten them. They'd been sitting in his old apartment preserved in packaging with the rest of his stuff when he'd finally come home. When he had thought to throw them out, the idea of a rabid fangirl finding them and sniffing them (Naruto's idea) had made him rethink the idea. For a change, he was glad he had kept the old memento of his past.

Throwing them over his arm and seizing a towel from another cupboard, he headed back out to living area. His brows narrowed as he looked around and saw nothing and for a second, he had thought she'd gone home. Then his senses kicked in and he was suddenly aware of her in the kitchen. Striding in, he froze in the opening. Sakura was standing in front of the kitchen sink, humming to herself gently as she gazed out the window, her bottle of sake dangling loosely from her fingers. Something warm curled in his stomach and he frowned as he realized the sake might not be sitting well with him.

"Sakura."

She jolted and spun to face him; hand pressed to her chest as she glared at him. "Sasuke give a girl a warning before you sneak up on her."

He snorted. "You should have sensed me."

"I am slightly intoxified so- no wait that's the wrong word, shoot. You know what I mean; my senses aren't as high as yours."

He quietly stuck his tongue in his cheek to prevent himself from smiling at her inability to communicate when she was drunk. He'd noticed it a couple of times when they had been out as team seven but when she was angry, the women could speak for the whole of the fire country. He'd never seen a more coherent person.

"Here," He uttered, holding out the clothes for her.

"Sasuke I don't need them. I'm fine."

She was soaked through. Her top was stained with water, clinging closer to her body almost like a second skin. Her shorts were the same and her legs were still damp. Not to mention her hair looked plastered to her head.

"You'll get sick." He finally said, watching as she took another drink from the sake bottle. With growing irritation, he took the bottle from her, ignoring her indignant pout at losing her sake.

"I'm a medic Sasuke," She pointed out, "I can cure myself of anything."

He curbed the urge to roll his eyes and dropped the towel onto her head. "Go change."

"I don't have any clothes." When he showed her the top and shorts he held, she pouted. "But Sasuke..."

"It's the best I could do, Sakura. Just change." He sighed heavily and moved past her, after relieving her of her sake bottle. For a moment she just hovered in the kitchen as if caught between wanting to go change and staying where she was. He wandered over to the window of the living room as he listened to her stomp down the hall towards the bathroom. He was right, she knew her way well enough around his apartment. Still he flinched when she slammed the door tight, after all, with her strength, she could probably shatter it and its frame.

His eyes travelled over the bright lights of Konoha, barely visible through the drops of water sluicing down the windowpane in watery tear-like trails. He didn't know how long he stood there alternately taking sips from the bottle and watching the town beneath him. He figured though, he'd been there for a while and Sakura still hadn't emerged. Idly he considered finding out if she had dressed yet or maybe she had decided to try to drown herself. She was just that type of drunk.

He sighed heavily. He didn't want to deal with her right now. He wasn't in the right frame of mind to deal with her and yet he couldn't just send her home, could he? No. If he did that, Naruto would pop up first thing the next morning to berate him for sending dear 'Sakura-chan' home in the middle of the night on her own. Of course, he could try to escort her but that would just waste valuable hours of sleeping time. He'd give her his couch, he decided.

He dropped down to the aforementioned furniture to test it. Aa, it wasn't too bumpy.

His eyes flicked to the corridor where she'd disappeared and he frowned. Surely she should have dressed by now. What was she doing in there? Spying on him? He scowled and got to his feet, his brow furrowing as the room spun a little.

The door slid open and Sakura glided out before stopping and posing when she caught sight of him. "Sasuke," She purred. He froze and frowned. What on earth was she doing now? Was she imitating Naruto's sexy-no-jutsu? She was. He sighed and fought the urge to palm his forehead as he watched his female teammate bat her eye lashes at him. Sakura shouldn't be allowed to drink. It was just a bad idea.

"Hn."

Temper flashed over her features; then disappeared as she rolled her eyes at him. "You're no fun." She declared lazily, blowing her bangs out of her face. Her hair was drier now, he noticed, but instead of the usual silky strands, it was fluffy with static, with darker patches where it hadn't fully dried. "I think you're sobering too. You can't be sober." She muttered, reaching to grab the ever flowing bottle from him. "It defies the point of being drunk."

He quirked a brow. Did she even understand what she was saying? Che, did it even matter? It was late. They should be in bed. But not together. She had made it perfectly clear that she didn't want to be the bearer of his children… not that he was insinuating that if they were in bed together they'd be having… well _that_. It just might happen that way since they were both drunk and she was really quite beautiful. He wondered why he'd never really noticed before. Suddenly he sneered. What was he thinking? Who cared what she looked like? She was Sakura. She was his teammate. She was his… friend, and she was wearing his clothes and she didn't want to be the mother of his children.

"We should get some sleep. You have work tomorrow and I have training." That wasn't necessarily set in stone but he figured that Naruto or a clone would burst through his window the next morning to bug him.

She groaned softly, shaking her head. "You're so… responsible Sasu-chan. Do you ever let loose?"

"We're ninja Sakura, at any moment we could be called into battle and not all of us have ninjutsu to sober us up."

She wrinkled her nose cutely at him. "A, you're so mean and b, it's not ninjuzu…juice-u… juju… Damnit! That word that you said. It's not that." She stated flopping down onto the couch he'd just vacated. "You know what, you go to bed like a good little nin-nin – ninny – nin… - shinobi and I'll… probably end up unconscious on the ground."

He blinked; then sighed heavily. She probably would too. And then she'd end up vomiting and that would lead to her choking on it and dying and he'd be left with a corpse to clean up. "You can't sleep out here. You're not capable of looking after yourself."

Her eyes flew open as she snorted, lips curving with mirth. "I looked after myself quite well while you were gone. You could say I finally blossomed with you gone. It was like the sun finally came out and little Sakura bloomed."

He frowned. She was also capable of being cruel when she was drunk. She certainly wouldn't let it drop that he had left the village in search of power and the death of his brother.

"I'm going to go find Naruto. He's a fun drunk."

Sakura and Naruto drunk together?! Now that was a recipe for disaster. He frowned as she stretched a leg lazily into the air. For such a short girl, her legs certainly seemed to be long. Was that even possible? He shook his head. These were the sort of thoughts drink brought upon him.

She sighed languidly and began to kick her feet over the arm of the couch. "You know how you've been looking for someone to restart your clan with?"

He grunted, feeling no need to bring up their earlier conversation. He no longer planned to keep the clan going. That dream was long gone now. He had to keep reminding himself of that. Especially when faced with someone else wearing the Uchiha symbol on their clothes. It looked good on her... but it would only be a onetime thing.

"Well, I'm thinking of doing something similar for myself. You know, looking for a guy to settle down with. Not marriage or anything but… I guess companionship would be nice. We're ninja's, any day could be our last and I don't want to be alone."

He frowned. "You have us." He stated tersely.

She did have them. They were a team. None of them were alone as long as they had each other. It had taken him a long time to realize that but he knew it now. No one in the hidden leaf village was ever truly alone. That's what Konoha represented: a family that wasn't bonded by blood but by nationality. But Team 7 had a special bond, a closer one. If Konoha was a family, it was an outer circle family but Team 7 was a nucleic one without the usual conventions of parents and children. And if there were parents and children, he and Sakura were probably the parents given how immature Naruto and even Kakashi were, never mind how uneducated that wannabe clone was.

"I know that." She said with a soft smile, obviously she was coming down from her drunkenness and had moved onto the self reflection stage of the nights proceedings. He needed to get her into bed and put her to sleep quick but she got testy whenever he even got close to her these days. She never seemed to understand that he did these things for her own good, no she got upset whenever he knocked her out. Granted at twelve, leaving her on a bench in the middle of the village probably wasn't the smartest idea he'd ever had but it was Konoha and she had been safe. At least he put her on a bench; he could have just as easily left her on the ground.

"But Naruto has Hinata. Tsunade and Shizune are a team. Ino has Shikamaru and Choji and Lee has Gai, Neji and Tenten. Kakashi… well Kakashi is a law onto himself but I'm pretty sure he doesn't just stick around on his own all the time. I have a feeling he has someone but I haven't worked up the courage the stalk him, not after the last time we tried spying on him. And you… well you're going to have your own family. I don't want to feel like a third wheel, been there, done that and I didn't enjoy it."

"I'm not looking for a family." He already had one that was satisfying enough for him at the moment. He didn't feel the need to add that _she _was the one looking for a family for him.

"The Uchiha's will be extinct. That's just wrong. They were once such a respected clan; the name should be synonymous with power and prestige, not with a massacre."

"The Uchiha had their time."

She opened her mouth to respond only to close it with a sigh. "It's your decision Sasuke. Just don't make it one you regret."

He would have said he wouldn't regret it but a part of him felt he would. He wouldn't make a good father, he knew that. He was selfish and he held no great fondness for young people – his dealings with the honorable grandson and small companions had assured him of that – and he could never settle in one place for too long before getting restless. He wasn't father material and he refused to give a child a childhood like his or Naruto's. Still, no more Uchiha's, no one to show the people of Konoha the good that had been there. None of them knew of his aunty and uncle who had always been so kind to him or his beautiful, doting mother and proud father. Itachi and he were now the legacy of the Uchiha family and what a terrible smear they had left upon their family's name.

Sakura sat up suddenly. "Sasuke, do you know the symbol I wear on my clothes. The white circle?"

He nodded. He had no clue what it symbolized but just as Naruto had always worn swirls on his clothing, Sakura had always worn a white circle.

"I don't know what that symbolizes and when I ask my grandparents, they don't know. Do you know what that's like? For me to wear a symbol but not know why? It's a Haruno family something or other, so maybe once, a long, long, long time ago, the symbol stood for something. Maybe the Haruno's were a great ninja clan once… well no, that's just wishful thinking. If they were, there would be evidence and scrolls and despite looking up the symbol, I've found nothing."

She sighed, pulling her knees to her chest, looking at once vulnerable and lost. He shifted uncomfortably. There should be something to say to her, anything, but he was not the best at soothing people's fears. How could he know what to say when he was at a loss himself?

"I just don't want the same to happen to the Uchiha clan. I hate the idea that people will see the symbol in a book and wonder what it meant or why the Uchiha were so great. You're the only living legacy and people are in awe of you and how powerful you are. Even when we were genin people would always notice you in a way that neither I nor Naruto ever would be. I'm not jealous – well maybe a little – but mostly, I'm proud and I don't want the village to lose that."

He understood. Sometimes he felt the same. The next generation would be better. They wouldn't have to deal with what he had to go through. They wouldn't be bitter and they could show how great the Uchiha clan really was. And then logic would rise up and rip his dreams to shreds with razor sharp teeth. Why wouldn't they be bitter? What guarantees did he have that they would be well adjusted and happy? What kind of parents would they need to have warm, supportive homes? Could he create children like that?

Not without the right woman, his conscience sneered. And who was she?

Sakura shifted and rolled to her feet, stretching her fingers up to the ceiling as she rose up on her tiptoes to draw her body taut. He watched the scene, felt his insides clench and looked stubbornly away. He didn't need to be aware of Sakura. She had made it clear that she wasn't interested in the position of the Uchiha matriarch and why should he begrudge her that? He had done nothing but push her away all his life but they were different people now. He enjoyed her company now but how much of that was genuine? How much of herself did she hide from him in fear of annoying him?

"Ok, let's get some sleep."

He nodded. There was no point chasing idle dreams when there were much more important things to think about. He headed for his bedroom and looked back at her when he realized she wasn't following. "Come."

Pink brows rose in high arcs. "Ne, Sasuke-kun, where do you want me to sleep?"

"You drank too much. I don't want you choking on your own vomit."

"Wow… and you're not a virgin. I can see why with your great sweet talking skills." She muttered under her breath but he heard and his lips twitched. Sarcasm suited her. He didn't know why but it seemed utterly natural as it slid from her lips. Others would sound bitchy, Sakura was just amusing.

"Come."

"I'm not Tonton, I don't respond to one word commands."

"You're a shinobi, right?"

"Ugh." She curled her lips in disgust, acknowledging that shinobi's often did respond to one word commands, even going so far to obey hand signs too because in the field, unnecessary noise was dangerous. "I can't sleep in your room, Sasuke. That would be… awkward."

This time he raised a brow, pushing open his door and gesturing her inside. "I'm not staying up and watching you."

"Somehow that just sounds creepy too."

"Sakura."

"Look… oh fine. It's no different than sharing a tent, right? We've done that loads and you're asexual so there's nothing to worry about." With a determined expression, she stalked to the bedroom and passed him by, making sure her body didn't touch his. "So Sasuke, if you're not a virgin, who did you have sex with?"

He closed the door behind him and walked to his side of the bed, giving her a grim look. "That's not important."

"It sort of is. I mean, could any of them be pregnant with little Uchiha brats? The chances of pregnancy are pretty high even if you only did it once."

"Sakura." He waited until she stopped toying with the quilt and met his eyes. When she finally did, he turned his own gaze to his fingers. "I knew what I was doing. None of them carry my child."

"Precautions don't always-" She broke off at his quelling look and sighed. "Sorry, I don't want to sound as if I'm preaching. It's just working in the medical centre means I see a lot of accidental pregnancy's and I destroy just as many lives before they even have a chance to really begin."

His gaze snapped up to her face. She had aborted children. It had never occurred to him that one of her duties might be to cull embryos.

"It's a part of my job, Sasuke. It's something I've come to deal with. Naturally I try to advise them of the best options but well, it happens. Sometimes the girls just aren't ready for the responsibility and others… well for others it's just better for them." She didn't need to elaborate further; he knew what she was unwilling to voice out loud. "Sometimes I try to tell the ones that are willing to listen, to carry the child to full term. There are so many families out there that don't have the luxury of having children, whether because of natural causes or because of injuries sustained in the field. But that's just not an option for some." She shrugged gently, folding her arms and hunching her shoulders.

He didn't know what to say so he lifted the covers and slipped into the bed. "You should sleep Sakura."

She nodded quietly and got into the bed, pulling the sheets up to her chin as she turned her back on him. "Goodnight Sasuke."

He extinguished the light and looked out into the darkness. "Goodnight Sakura."

* * *

**A.N**. _My apologies for the lateness of this installment. I had part of this written and then I lost inspiration as Sasuke continued further down his path to darkness and then I got the fourth series of the Naruto Uncut box set so my inspiration was revived. Very little fluff in this, next to zero crack since Sasuke wasn't drunk, Naruto didn't make an appearance and Sakura was just too tired. So therefore we've reached Melancholy drunkeness. Hopefully things will - no they will pick up in the next chapter because we're back to Sakura and best of all, they're in bed together. It's a complete cliché I know but... Sasuke wants her bed. What can I do?!_

_Review please!! They make my day!_


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